First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Kevin and Fat Tony in the basement. (repost)

I am reposting this entry due to the fact that the html on it is screwed up and I am to green at blogging to be avle to figure out how to fix it. Thank you for bearing with me.

Monday, Kevin called in sick. The evening before as he was working he complained of pain in his back due, he in forms me to, "complications from the balance toe on my foot (he indicates the right one) being amputated. I think I need to go to the hospital and get some painkillers kid."

Oh-kay.

He calls Monday morning and says that he can't make it because, "I cut my thumb pretty bad and I think it's infected so I'm gonna go to the hospital and get some antibiotics."

"Kid."

I said, "Uh'huh, Kevin. Just as long as you finish the basement by wednesday night, do what you need to do."

"No problem kid, blah, blah, blah, kid" basic crazy Kevin meth head* style stream of consciousness I am now learning to tune out "kid."

So he shows up Tuesay with Fat Tony and they get down to work. I go down to the basement to see how things are going and do some laundry.

I ask, "Hey Kevin how's it going?"

He says, "Finishing these windows kid, it's a tough job but you've got the right guy doing it kid."

Me: "You feeling better?"

"Yeah, like I told you I have complications from my balance toe being amputated so I went to the hospital and got some painkillers."

Me: "So you're doing better?"

"Yeah, I'm on two percocets now so . . .I'm feeling better." He says as he leans over the table saw.

"Well be careful." I blurt cheerfullty.

"How'd the toe thing happen?" I did not ask because I did not want to know. I headed for the stairs eyes properly averted. He follows and offers:

"What happened with my toe is my old partner amputated it on purpose out of jealousy."

Of course I have to stop. "Really? Jeez." I offer cheerfully.

Meanwhile Ruby-our large, dumb, very friendly boxer-has followed me downstairs and she's over making fast friends with Fat Tony.

As I again turn to leave, I joke to Fat Tony in Ref to the Toe:
"It wasn't you was it Tony?"

No answer. I wait a beat and ask again (because I'm a moron, apparently) . . .

"You didn't do it did you, Tony?"

Tony answers thusly, "I communicate with the animals. I know what they're saying. I mean I don't know everything they say, but I know what they're saying."

Me:(blinking) . . . "Ok then guys, see you later." I gibber gleefully.
And I make for the stairs. Shaken.

*As far as the meth head comment is concerned, this is pure conjecture. I have no factual evidence of this. It just nicely sums up his demeanor and behavior.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog Rankings

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings