First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Religious Interpretation

Hi all! How have you been? Good, good. Me, I've been just so busy with those things, and uh, the other stuff. And also a ton of errands. Just a ton.

I did spend Yom Kippur at the Fryberg fair. For those of you unfamiliar with Yom Kippur, it's the Jewish day of atonement. I know. I know. You're thinking, "I thought everyday was the Jewish day of atonement." The difference is, on Yom Kippur. we don't eat.  We fast and repent and that we get our names written in the Book of Life for the year. Big deal to Jewish kids, making an appearance in a book.

Nor do we usually attend huge state fairs. But it was the only weekend we could go, the kids love it, my wife loves it, I love it, our family up in Maine loves it, and what the hell was Yaweh thinking scheduling Yom Kippur for the same week as the Fair anyway. Nice omniscience, God. Here's a tip: try a calendar next time.

But, because I'm Jewish, I made a deal with the big Y. I will honor Yom Kippur not by fasting, but by eating every kind of deadly, disgusting, greasy, absolutely delicious morsel of Fair food I could get my mouth on. Here's the list, in chronological order: Falafel (surprisingly good considering we ate it at a Fair. In Maine.),Vegetable Samosas (ditto), Cotton candy, Ice cream, a shingle sized slice of black olive and garlic sicilian pizza, deep fried pickles cut in big wedges with a creamy dipping sauce, deep fried corn-on-the cob, kettle corn, fried dough.

Do you see what I did for you, G_d? What I put in my body? Deep fried pickles. And, O G_d Almighty, they were half-sours! Now write my name in the Book of Life and next to it in the margin put down "cholesterol poisoning."

Fair was great. We saw all kinds prize winning cows and chickens and horses and sheep and rabbits. I'm pretty sure we're going into Angora Rabbit farming. Only takes two rabbits to yield enough wool for a sweater. And the rabbit wool is 7 times as warm as sheep's wool. I read a pamphlet, so I'm pretty much an expert. The name of our farm will be the Bunny Ranch. Is that taken?

Goodnight!

HM

UPDATE!

I forgot the G_damn chicken fingers and french fries.

7 comments:

  1. Just make sure you get two rabbits of the same sex or you'll end up with the Playboy Club instead of the Bunny Ranch. Unless you want to be the Hugh Hefner of rabbits.

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  2. Carney fair food is my absolute favorite. More funnel cake please.

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  3. Darling, you forgot some tasty tidbits... Dog bowl of fries? Chicken Fingers? Corn chowder in a white bread bowl? Blue Snow Cone? Strawberry/Banana smoothie? And did you try the jerky? Probably not. Anyway, I'm sure there's more, but it's all a deep fried blur.

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  4. I'm lovin' that Tumbleweed had to remind you of all the othah killah food you et at the fa-ah.

    It's nice to heah that you and yuah kin chose to Yom Kippur up in Ma-yin at the fa-ah. Tain't nothin' bettah than that.

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  5. At first I was thinking, what is he doing going to the Fryburg Fair on a fasting day? No one can fast at a fair!! Glad you decided to go the opposite way! Can it be that you skipped the fried dough?????????? That's my favorite. (I haven't been to a fair in years, but my long term memory seems to be intact!)

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  6. At our state fair this year, vendors sold fried sticks of butter. Fried. Butter. Together. I chose not to partake thanks to my unwillingness to see God at this point in my life. Maybe later, and perhaps following something far tastier than a stick of fried butter. Hope he'll wait.

    (I once interviewed a lady who raised angora goats. One attempted to violate me so severely that I honestly think in some states, we'd be considered married right now. I'm sure our kids - ha! goat humor! - would be gorgeous and I'd be a heck of a lot warmer than I typically am in winter)

    ReplyDelete

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