First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Top 10 Things Dads Do Better Than Moms


Over at Babble.com, an article was recently written entitled Top 10 Things Mothers Do Better Than Fathers. It's caused a lot of consternation in the world of parent blogging. Probably because the writer illustrates in great detail about how few parenting abilities a father (himself) has when compared with a mother (his wife). In the spirit of community, generosity, support, and solidarity with our fellow dad bloggers, we here at Musings From The Big Pink have written our own list of the Top 10 Things Dads Do Better Than Moms. We believe this will definitely clear up any confusion about or animosity towards the original post as well as imbuing with confidence those dads who feel as inept in their parenting roles as the writer of the original post seems to feel. 

1. Playing catch
Everyone knows that it's a dad's job to play catch with their kids. Or their sons, at any rate. Moms just don't have the genetic catching ability. Everyone knows women's hands are made mostly of silk and fragile crystal. That's why they're so much better at soft things like diaper changing.  Don't throw a ball to your mom. You'll just break her hands. 
2. Punching
Dads are just better at punching. They just are. They punch more things more often for a larger variety of reasons than moms ever do. Also, see #1 re: Mom hands.
3. Disciplining the children
Everyone knows, moms can't discipline their children. Their voices are all high pitched and soft and all they want to do is snuggle. Also, it's a little known fact that moms are not biologically able to say things like, "go to your room, " or "you're grounded." Their lips and tongues actually can't form those phrases. It's science. That's why they're always saying "Wait til your father gets home." Which brings me to number 5.
5. Working. At a job. For like, money.
Dads work. They bring home the bacon so the moms can fry it up in a pan. Dads are just better suited to the demands of the work-a-day world than are the fragile, lazy moms. Don't get me wrong, raising kids is hard work. Just not as hard as actually working.  
6. Dispensing wisdom. 
Dads are natural founts of wisdom. With all the years they've spent working and punching things, they've learned a thing or two about life. A mom can tell you how to wash your ears, but when it comes to understanding human nature, forget it. They've got their heads in the clouds.
7. Math
This one is pretty much self-explanatory. One plus one equals man, baby. It's in the Bible, I'm pretty sure. Plus (a math term) with all the remembering recipes and  shopping for the house, moms just don't have the brain space left over for dealing with numbers. 
8. Science
Moms are way too squeamish for science. Science includes things like fluids and gravity and so forth. Try explaining those things to someone who changes diapers all day. 
9. Driving
Moms are notoriously bad drivers. That's why the only driving they do is to and from school, play dates, and extra-curricular activities with the kids, to go shopping, and to pick dads up from the train when they get home from work. 
10. Fixing things
Moms never fix things. It's just not natural for them. For one thing, there is the problem with their hands. Also, the math involved. Finally, anyone who spends their day kissing booboos, snuggling, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, and shopping would not have the first idea about how to use tools. Dads automatically know how to use tools from the time their first offspring is born. Or even before that, really. I'd say most men who become dads have known how to use their own tools at least since puberty. It's a Dad skill, plain and simple. 
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 This is not a complete list. There are many many other areas in life at which dads excel over their female counterparts. Lifting things, fantasy football, serial killing . . . the list is endless. We offer up this handful of Dad only skills and abilities in order to boost the self-esteem of those dads out there who so often feel like the lesser parent. Let the healing begin. 

18 comments:

  1. Women always be hugging shit!

    You forgot to mention men are better at being politicians, because women get unstable and hysterical during full moons.

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  2. "One plus one equals man, baby" = first laugh I've had all day.

    You are a profoundly brave and brilliant man, Mr. Pink.

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  3. What about the old classic.... peeing outside!!

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  4. Totally true. All this shit.

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    Replies
    1. Also, when women say words like SHIT, they pee their pants a bit.

      Delete
  5. Oh HM...where do I begin? Where did your wife begin? First, unless duct tape is a tool, no. 10 is out. Secondly, if you have 7 children, like we do...no. 5 follows. Third, catch is only applicable if you can catch Dad long enough to play catch (example, Cat's in the Cradle, by whatever you want to call him.) I would go on, but, sadly, I am too tired to continue...I was a mom today. ;)

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  6. Apparently, dads do humor better than moms too. Right, Viv?

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  7. This was pure genius! Good stuff. The original article didn't bother me all too much, but some of the responses seemed to resemble something...well...a woman would write plus as Viv demonstrated here so eloquently, lacking in any and all humor. But you did forget one thing, grilling while drinking beer. Between the heat and the alcohol, women tend to faint and need their stronger, smarter counterparts to come to their rescue. In reality, however, we are more concerned with the meat, no one wants a charred steak.

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  8. All of this is true and none of it is false, which by definition means that it's all true.

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  9. Punching FTW!

    Also, all the other stuff FTW!

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  10. Good thing you untaught your wife to read.

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  11. It's all true. Especially the fact that women are made of silk and crystals. It's why they're so pretty.

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  12. What is at number 4??
    Nice stuff btw.. :P

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  13. I was always a Daddy's girl and this list is why.

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  14. And men are much better at counting to 10. Only they know that there is no such thing as #4. Women are always adding in extra stuff.

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  15. Number 4 is private between me and HM. ;)

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  16. Farting. We excel at farting too.

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