First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A little Cheese with that Whine?

My basement is flooded again.  We just got cleaned up from the last flood.  I have mountains of laundry to catch up with due to the busted washer we had to pay to fix.  I tried to fix it.  I almost got it.  I didn't.  I was too timid.   

Both kids are sick.  Snot rockets are shooting out of the Peanut's nose with enormous speed and stickiness.  Like spit from a camel.  She wet the bed twice last night, the poor thing.  And she has a weigh-in at the pediatrician's office today, which is always stressful.  And finally, I just changed the Pumpkin man's diaper and the outer layer of the excrement was green like he dyed it for St. Patrick's day.  I'm guessing he ate a crayon or something, but I'm bringing the diaper to the doctor's office.

If I were a religious man, I'd be texting God a mean, nasty message right now.  As opposed to the nasty messages I usually text him.  Yeah, we've been sexting for a while now.  I don't remember who started it (Him).  He sends naked pics.  I'd post them, but the sight of them would drive us all mad.  He's really let Himself go.  I'd be more willing to cut Him a break if He would do something to show He cares.  Just some kind of small miracle.  Like maybe parting the waters in my fucking basement.

Crabbily,

Homemaker Man


P.S.  This is why I haven't been commenting much.  No one needs this level of vitriol (or weirdness) spilled onto their blog.  Me included.

HM

14 comments:

  1. I think you need your aura cleansed because right now, I'm guessing it's the same color as Pumpkin's diaper.
    Sending you cosmic hugs ooo

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  2. Sorry to hear about your flood. My family lives in RI and my sister ended up with 22 inches of water in her basement. Not fun, not at all.

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  3. Shiiiitty, dude. Hope things dry out soon. Though I am a little hurt. I thought God and I had something special going on. Who knew He was such a slut.

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  4. Gods balls are huge aren't they? Like elephantitis huge. He's totally blessed.

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  5. Oh, dear. Sounds like a lot of mahem at your house. I do hope things get much better for you soon! Hugs!

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  6. Perhaps God can only give us peace & joy for now...continue to believe in miracles~ shall we?!
    PS: use clorox to clean, but don't wear your fave jeans~ been there & done that! PEACE*

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  7. I totally tried to leave you a comment and Blogger ate it. (grump, grump, snarl)

    I was going to say, "When it rains, it pours," but, the last thing you need right now is more fucking water.

    I hope that Peanut tips those scales today, that would make today awesome, even with the water.

    p.s. If it makes you feel any better, the electrical problem that killed my oven and sort of fried my stove? It murdered my new dryer in cold blood. I am as far behind on the laundry as you are. My new potty trainer is going commando at the moment, the kiddos are going through a minimum of 2 outfits a day because it is 50 in the morning and 85 in the afternoon, and it sucks. Just know that there is another parent standing knee deep in dirty laundry, one with a crutch perched precariously on a sturdy looking pile, wanting to know why she can't just cut head and arm holes in the paper shopping bags and recycle them are disposable clothing. *Today's craft...decorating your own Easter dresses!!!*

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  8. Okay, that's fucking hysterical! On a more serious note, I hear ya about the sick kids thing. I'm thinking a good bleach dip for the entire house is in order!

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  9. SL Thanks. The Peanut had her weigh in and it went decently, so I'm feeling better. That coupled with the cosmic hugs . . .

    Linda Thank you. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. That's worse than we got.

    The Holmes look at the bright side, how do you think He learned all those positions?

    Candice Sure. On you're Christian God . . .

    L Thank you. Add Bleach Love and Happiness

    MMN HI! Thank you! I'm going to Lysol my mouth.

    Viv! Viv! Potty Trainer Commando is a good name for a kid's movie

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  10. I'm thinking Candice is going straight to Hell. Do not pass Go...

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  11. Good to know some people are still normal.

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  12. I am going to go eat a purple crayon...I think that would be pretty.

    And please feel free to post spunk on my blog you know, it's good for that kind of thing.

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  13. Sorry you have been having a rough couple of weeks, I totally know where you are coming from. I am SO GLAD that it's now April. The weather is nice. It's a new leaf. Turned over even.

    Have you been getting a lot of rain?

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  14. Give my babies a hug for me!!! I can't wait for April Vacation!! We need to make plans!!

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