For those interested, read part one here:
Now comes the other side of the coin.
In the midst of this religious uncertainty, as I am striving discover a side of myself that was, up until now, explored in large part through the ingestion of latkes (so crispy) and the freedom to make Jew jokes while condemning virtual strangers as anti-Semites, I also became godfather to my niece.
I had to go from Judaism to Christianity faster than Mel Gibson’s agent. (Jew jibe and Anti-Semite slam all in one. Thank you)
I was a little unsure of how that was going to turn out too.
We got to the temple church.
The pastor greeted us upon entering. He was youngish and White and southern and silver-haired and friendly like a politician.
The church was more of a chapel/office/classroom/religious compound (nervous chuckle). The building had an up-to-date elementary school vibe. The chaple was blond wood beams and pews, polished wood cross, big windows letting in lots of natural light, colorful cloth banners, almost like quilts (Jesus Quilts. Patent Pending). There were large flat screen tv’s showing the words to the prayers and hymns. It was all very Fellowship of the Sun.
The service mostly went off without a hitch. It was done lovingly and no vampires were exploded. My favorite part was when the Peanut Man got swept up in one of the hymns. “Paaays Jeeezis!” He bellowed as the rapture overtook him. Dude loves to sing.
So far, the best part of being the godfather is that, with the exception of the parents, I get to take the baby from anyone whenever I want. God says they have to give her up. I march over to whoever is holding her, “Give me the child.” I command. If they refuse, I up the anti.
“The Power Of Christ compels you!” I roar as my eyes glow, alight with my new godfather superpowers. You can do that. It’s totally in the bible. Or maybe the Constitution.
Either way, people are usually startled enough that it works.
He second best part is that I do a more than passable Brando imitation. Most annoying godfather ever.
It’s pretty cool.
*From part one: We got a call from the president of the temple. She told us that she hated hearing we couldn’t come because of money and that there was a misunderstanding because the family service was supposed to be free anyway.
She invited us to a Tot Shabbat (yes) service. For Sukkot. Sukkot is the harvest holiday and it’s pretty kid friendly. Tot Shabbat was . . .ok. The person who usually ran it wasn’t there, so we’ll have to give them a second chance. Everyone was pretty nice and we got to go outside and hangout in the Sukkah. The Sukkah is a temporary hut that we are supposed to build and then we’re traditionally supposed to eat all our meals in it for the whole week of Sukkot. Jews know how to party.