OMG!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!

In a special episode of MFTBP, a guest post from the estimable Mrs. HomemakerMan. As talented as she is beautiful, my lovely wife shares with us a true story. 

A stupid little cat scratch… sometimes it’s just easier to give them the flippin’ bandage

Players: Peanut (5 years old), Pumpkin Man (3 years old), Ivy Pickles (5 months old), Mommy (40 yrs old)

Conversation 1 – between the kitchen and the dining room

Peanut (in tears): Mommy! I’m bleeding really bad!

Mommy (panicked): What?! What happened?!

Peanut (matter of fact): Ivy scratched me, like really bad…

Mommy (washing a long, shallow scratch):It’s fine. What were you doing to her?

Peanut: (guiltily) Carrying her. (rising toward hysteria) But it isn’t fine! Look at this blood! I need a Band-Aid!

Mommy (rational): It’s too long for a Band-Aid, besides it’s not a big deal. Go play.

Conversation 2 – overheard in the playroom

Peanut (whining): Pumpkin Man, look at what Ivy did to me!

Pumpkin Man (concerned): Does it hurt, Peanut?

Peanut (proud): Yes, and look at the blood.

Pumpkin Man (awed): hmmmm …that is a lot of blood. A real lot!

Peanut (defiant): Yup, and Mommy won’t give me a Band-Aid.

Pumpkin Man (deeply concerned): Why?

Peanut (conspiratorial): She says it’s too big… hurts so much…

Pumpkin Man (amazed): Uh oh, look at that blood! Squeeze it again!

Peanut (authoritarian): Here, try to get the blood on this…

Conversation 3 – In the dining room

Mommy (frustrated): Peanut, come here!

Peanut (fearful): What Mommy? Do you need to see my scratch again? No doctors!

Mommy (acquiescent): No, no doctors. Let’s put a bandage on that scratch, okay?

Peanut (hopeful): Yes, please.

Mommy (resigned): Better?

Peanut (satisfied): Yup, all better.

-- End Scene

Epilogue: I still don’t know why they were trying to collect her blood – could have been drug testing, DNA experimentation, or genetic modification… I just knew that at that point it was easier to give her the flippin’ bandage.