There was Ben Affleck deftly slinging his Boston accent. There was Boston once again being portrayed as a modern day version of prohibition era Chicago. Violent Irish (in this case) mobsters, shooting it out in broad daylight in front of a really good place to get clam chowdah. That shit never happens around here. We almost never have shootouts. At least not in front of the places where you can get good clam chowdah.
And that accent. And the dialogue. In the movies, at least within a certain socio-economic archetype, the word Fahkin' is unnecessarily prevalent. Ubiquitous, even. Very.
Every pause or salient point is brought home with a "fahkin'." Everyone in the city is a fahkin' tough guy. It's like punctuation. "I like fahkin' ice cream fahkin cake fahkin cookies fahkin pie. I gotta huge fahkin' sweet tooth." People here don't talk like that in real life. Mostly. Basically. At least not all the time.
"My parents owned a floweh shop when I was growin' up, so I know all yaw fahkin' flowehs. Ya gotchah fahkin' peonies, fahkin' alestroemedia, fahkin' black eyed susans, fahkin' snap dragons, fahkin' Irises. All that fahkin' shit. That shit fahkin smells great and it's fahkin beautiful, too."
We watch a show called Falling Skies on TBS. Don't hate. It's post the alien invasion of earth and the humans have formed a resistance. The aliens are these crab/lobster looking things. It has Noah Wiley, but we watch it anyway because we like sci-fi stuff and the first season is set in and around Boston.
The thing is, no one has a Boston accent. Not the worst thing. The acting is shaky enough without throwing a bad accent into it. But I wish someone would make a sci-fi movie with Marky Mark as the hero where he just rips into his Boston accent, Hollywood style.
"O, what? You fahkin' aliens ah gonna come to my fahkin town and kill my fahkin' family? Fahhhk you, you fahkin' quee-ah. I'll fahkin dip you in buttah, you lobstah lookin' mutha fahkah. I'll kick yaw fahkin' ass"
As he hits the self-destruct button on the mother ship:
"Look, I don't caiah if yaw name is fahkin' President Roosevelt thaiah Chahlie. We got fouah minutes until this fahkin' place fahkin explodes big time and shit."
You wouldn't sit down for ninety minutes of that if the special effects were good? Of fahkin' course you would.
HM
Gosh, whatever happened to "wicked"?
ReplyDeleteMade my day. Totahally.
ReplyDeleteFahkin' awesome dialog you created. No really.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, we liked Falling Skies too. Sci-Fi - doesn't take much to impress, but those walking robots things are nasty. And there was that creepy scene where the alien was sleeping with the kids. Strange.
Sounds like a wicked good idea.
ReplyDeleteI loved The Town, loved it. I just wanted to put that out there. If Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, or Marky Mark are ever in anything evah, when I can listen to their Bahston accents, I watch it.
ReplyDeleteYou absolutely nailed 'how to write Boston dialog.' I've never seen anyone try it and damn, I'm impressed as all hell. Mahky Mahk would be so very proud.
ReplyDeleteThe Town - that's a wicked pissa of movie.
ReplyDeleteYour glaring lack of the word 'wicked' used in this post makes me now question everything I ever belied about New Englanders now.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I bet you appreciated the movie TED also. I actually questioned if the accent was real or completely overdramatized for the movie, you tell me?? :) Danica Martin
ReplyDelete