First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day Paper Tiger

Last year for Valentine's Day, I sent her a dozen long-stemmed beauties at work. Not only that, they were NPR pledge drive roses. Romantic and douche-y. Double threat. And I cooked her a lovely dinner and made her a chocolate cake from scratch, sang to her over the phone, etc., etc, etc.

This year, we're broke. I've been on the phone all day today trying to get last year's pledge money back because those flowers went and died on us. Commie lib-lab roses.

And the sumptuous dinner is out because we are smack dab in the middle of a major "lifestyle change(don'tsaydiet don'tsaydiet don'tsaydiet).

And I'd write her a love poem but words fail me where she's concerned.

Yeah, her skin is snow and raspberries.

And sure, her eyes are jungle foliage overlaid with  sea glass.

And it's true that her lips are full, sweet plums.

But her. She. The beauty of her. Her soul. The description of that is what eludes me. The best I can do is: you ever see a scene in a movie when someone opens a suitcase or treasure chest and they are bathed in the glow of that treasure? Or maybe it's more like turning your face to the sun after a long cold winter? Or bathing in a warm, clean, steaming, pond fed by hot springs.

No, that last one is how I feel when she touches me, but it's not her.

Maybe it's like that feeling you get when you've been gone a long time and you finally come home.

Anyway, I don't know how to put it. All I know is that I love her and that I am obscenely lucky.

So, I still had to do something for her for Valentine's Day. We don't have any money, words fail me, as does my waistline. What's left?

Construction paper. There is always construction paper.

Happy Valentine's Day, my love. I love you from the tips of my clumsy-but-well-meaning-fingers to the bottom of my clumsy-but-well-meaning-heart.




  1. Thank you, my love.

    I desire my dust to be mingled with yours
    Forever and forever and forever.


  2. Dude. You make me want to barf. I gave my wife a toblerone. I'm so pathetic.

  3. This is better than any of the greeting cards I and no fewer than 495 people crowded around Target today looking at in a last minute attempt to either get lucky or get a moment's peace this Valentine's Day. You've done well for yourself, sir.

  4. I read this right after you posted it and was absolutely without words to respond. Except to be just so happy that there are people like you in the world to write words like this for the one he loves.

    That, and I realized that your wife was in the Pulp Fiction briefcase! Cinema Mystery solved! I've been wondering about that for years.

  5. Homemaker Man, you rock! I'm willing to bet you got lucky tonight!

  6. Aww...Now I feel like a dick for scoffing at V-Day.

  7. Unlike Beta Dad, I don't feel like a dick or a jerk for not liking Valentine's Day. My husband and I met on the 12th so it supercedes the 14th by leaps and bounds.

    And you done good.

  8. @ T Love you

    @Linda Shucks

    @dbs I would kill your wife for a toblerone right about now

    @FADKOG Thank you. Forget greeting cards. Go with a bicycle pump or a Circo brand end table.

    @Monica Marcelus Wallace had good taste.

    @Eva It ain't luck, it's skill. And no.

    @Beta Dad What? No. It's all part of the magic of Valentine's Day

    @Cheryl Happy anniversary!

  9. Look at that arrangement. That's fucking art is what that is.

  10. Melting and swooning! Well done Homemaker Man! I'm sure you took her breath away!

  11. I bet you like her dubloons too.

    Nice post man.

  12. Wow... this post is the best valentine ever!

  13. It's all about effort, man. Show a woman some, and she' show you how much it means.

    If she doesn't, you know you've got a cold fish on your hands. Glad yours did.

  14. That was impossibly sweet and lovely.

  15. We spent Valentine's Day on the couch watching NCIS on the DVR. Sometimes we would get caught up in the moment and make eye contact. It was hot.


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