First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Bleffluvia/Movember update.

Hey everyone.  Sorry I've been a cruddy blogger.  We've been busy.  To sum up:


About a month and a half ago, we're in the car, my daughter starts this:

"Hey daddy, do we poop in our pants?"

"No! (I am sporting a firmly lecturial, anti-pants pooping tone. And demeanor.  Mostly.)  We do NOT poop in our pants."

"Daddy, do we poop on the floor?

"Peanut, NO we . . . wait a second?  Are you laughing?"

And she was.  She was cracking up.  We went on to talk about whether or not one defecates on the cat(sometimes), the dog, the car, and her brother (not when he's awake.).  We just laughed and laughed.

To my memory, these are some kindergarten level jokes.

Of course this comes up again and again intermittently.  She starts joking about chocolate poop and eating chocolate poop cookies and pooping chocolate (which would be the best/most tragic thing ever if she could really do that).  I role with all of it until she starts threatening to poop on her mother and me. I tell her she can't be joking like that. Nobody poops on my woman with the exception of both children when they were infants.  I've got to draw a line somewhere.  A line in the poop.  Unfortunately, it's a dotted line.

Cut to this weekend.

She's in the bathroom. I go in to help her finish up.

She gleefully informs me that there is "poop and pee, all mixed up in there.  It's all mixed up."

I'm tired.  I forget myself.  I tell her, "I know.  That's what you're having for dinner."

I'm not proud.  At least, I'm not until she replies:

 "I'm gonna put frosting on it!"

With frosting-a-cake hand motions.

She one-upped me.  The student becomes the teacher.  I am fit to burst.  With pride, I mean.

I ran downstairs and related the incident to my wife.  She laughed out loud.

Tell me people with older kids, am I wrong in thinking this is some 1st-2nd grade level poop humor?  She's like the Joan Rivers of Pre-school.  "Can we talk?  About poop?"

I know I should not be proud of this, but I am.  My chest is puffed way out.  With pride, I mean.
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On to our Movember update.  For those of you who are not aware, Movember is a movement in which those of us who can grow moustaches do so in hopes of raising money for prostate cancer research(You donate at my Movember page or at the DadCentric Team Page or just go to the website.).

Then those of us who have blogs post pics of our pelt-y progress.  Thusly:




As you can see, it's not going well.  It screams "pubescent lack of authority."  Or maybe "French-Canadian douche-bag."  Or Wendy's asst. manager.  And despite this horrific look, I still seem to have that dumb fuck grin plastered on my goofy mug.

I will keep trying though,  Because it is for a great cause.

 I do have an idea for next year.  I've been doing a little research.  Allow me to direct you to this article from BBC News.  It suggests that a highly effective method of preventing prostate cancer is frequent ejaculation.  It goes on to say that the primary method recommended is masturbation due to the risk of STD's.

This is not a risk with which I need concern myself.  I'm married.  And she's monogamous.  With me.  I'm pretty sure. But still, either way it's pretty much a win win.,

So, prostate having people, coming in 20ll to a private moment near you:

Jackuary!

Who's with me?

Please, no pics.

20 comments:

  1. You are too funny...and looks like your daughter is following in your footsteps!

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  2. heeheelarious!
    I'm so borrowing/stealing some of the lines here!
    Anyway, there's a children book on 'poops' I saw not so long ago!

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  3. bahahaha! I about peed myself when I read Jackuary!

    bahahahahah!!!

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  4. Jackuary? I may have to pull out. (HA!)

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  5. I assume women can participate in Jackuary? To show solidarity, of course.

    And you WILL regret encouraging the poop-humor. You will. Trust me. It will happen. Like the time I told them to get their teeth in the bathroom and brush their butts. Has haunted me FOR YEARS.

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  6. Lovin' the new look. As for the rest, I'm speechless. (Not really, just disausted.)

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  7. We need to have a special month for that?

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  8. I love the idea of Jackuary. Well, not really, but I love the name.

    Your daughter definitely is advanced in poopery discourse and I wonder what you have to look forward to when she actually hits elementary school. It should be funny.

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  9. Hey, if we make it a National Holiday, the HAVE to let us off work for that. I support the movement. I will NOT be shaking any hands on the campaign trail though.

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  10. Can we talk? Jackuary... love it. I'll spread the word (only my word) in France

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  11. I. Love. Your. Stache!

    *whispers*
    I can't really comment on the human poop thing.

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  12. I can promise you, as a former teacher, and a mother of grown children, that from ages 5-8, ALL of the jokes include the words "poop" or "fart." All of them. Developmentally, she's right where she should be. Plus, she has an awesome sense of humor.

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  13. Listen, I'm all for donating whatever I must to make Jackuary a success, but I won't be doing any volunteer work or lending any sort of hand in it.

    (and here's where you hear a tiny rim shot go off inside your head...)

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  14. Where is the "LOVE IT" button?

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  15. Dude, you would think it's tragic if your kid could shit chocolate?

    I wouldn't be able to fit through the door if my kids could do that. YUM!!

    BTW, nice dirty Sanchez.

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  16. 1. Your kid's hilarious.
    2. "pubescent lack of authority" cracked me up.
    3. It's always Jackuary if we remember it in our hearts.

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  17. I keep Jackuary all the year round.

    Poop humor is an acquired taste, even with frosting on it.

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  18. Uhm, could you update your blog already? And while you're at it, put something over on dadcentric, too. Enough with resting on your laurels.

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  19. What's this approval crap? Fascist!

    ReplyDelete

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