First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Cereal Killers and Mean, mean babies.


We bought some frosted flakes for the kids.  Doctor’s orders.  They need a small sweet starch to combat their Vomitosis (possibly an actual medical term?  Like, what you call it when you get bad breath from puking a lot.  Vomitosis).

They’ve never had frosted flakes, so I bought the store brand.  There is a polar bear on the box.  They won’t eat them.  No one is eating them.  I forgot my wife told me to pick something I would eat.  We had this conversation in the car yesterday morning:

Me: No one is eating those frosted flakes. 

Her:  They don’t like them?

Me:  I’m not eating them either.  No one is eating them.

Her: Why aren’t you eating them?

Me: Because they’re not the real Frosted Flakes.

Her:  I told you to get something you would eat.

Me:  Yeah but they’re not--

Her:  You said you would--

Me:  They have a bear on them.  Bears can’t make frosted flakes. Tigers make frosted flakes.  Bears do not make frosted flakes.  That’s ridiculous.  They can’t be good.  And, it’s a polar bear!  Might as well put a walrus on there.

Her:  How do you know if you don’t taste them?

Me:  They probably taste like stupid.


This is not to say that I don’t or won’t eat off brand cereal.  Ate it all growing up.  I think our version of Fruit Loops had a seagull on it. It might’ve been a vulture.  Or a buzzard.  Frooty Buzzard Hoops. 

I did come home and eat a bowl.  They tasted like penguins.  Stupid polar bear.  Stick to ice cream.


Also, a plea for help:  My daughter has emerged from the chrysalis (no spell check!) of her sickness.  Where once she was a lovely and potty-trained caterpillar, she is now an angry, shit covered butterfly.  She’s regressed in her potty training.

Standing in living room :  “(mildly) Daddy, I pooped.  I've got poop in my underwear.”

And, her attitude has me considering volunteering her to the Iranian space program as a cheap alternative to monkeys.  She apparently got a little spoiled during her illness. 

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this sort of attitude shift?

Thanks in advance,

HM

12 comments:

  1. Chloroform, duct tape, and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Why? Why, when you apparently had complete control of the shopping cart, did you get the bear's frosted flakes, instead of the Tiger's?

    My husband has the same innate distrust of generic brands, and won't try any, if he can help it at all. I am cheap and will suffer the taste difference, but I must say it's worth the extra money for the corn flakes with the rooster.

    As for the toilet training regression, I hope it lasts only a short time. Those days are so far in the past that the ugly memories are lost and I recall only the good times. (Not really, but I am working on it)
    I used cloth diapers and plastic pants on my four, and I believe that really speeds up the training process, but since your Peanut has already moved on to undies...I dunno. Good luck.

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  3. No advice here...potty training was light years in the past, and I find I've erased all horrible memories from my brain.

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  4. Fake honey nut Cheerios don't even taste like real honey nut Cheerios. There's not even a damn bee on the box. It's like they have no soul.

    As for the potty training thing, I'm sad to report there's always a lingering poop in the underwear issue. Always and sadly.

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  5. I'm sorry, but "They probably taste like stupid" might be the best comeback line I've ever heard!

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  6. "Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this sort of attitude shift?"

    A restraint-ready chair, a reliable DVD player, and Disney movies. You've seen A Clockwork Orange, I presume? Same idea. Don't forget the eyedrops, though! 'Cuz that'd be cruel.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was going so well and loving that the fake frosted flakes taste like ass then..WHAM!!! Someone had to go and poop their pants.

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  8. I wouldn't worry, I'm always forgetting my potty training. It'll come back to her...
    Actually, I see why people don't ask my advice now.
    As for the frosted flake imitations, is the bear an artistic, friendly animal? Or is he coated in bits of indigenous people and blood? Cause if it's option two, I really don't see why no-one is eating them...

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  9. "Daddy, I pooped' BIG LOL!!!
    I still say that to my parents sometimes...
    HUGs to peanut!
    ps: is tumbleweed-blogger your wife? Just found out today! If so, give her a hug for me ok!
    Great evening guys~

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  10. What Candace said...

    Seriously, though, sometimes after a very bad stomach virus the kids get the runs. Get some chewable acidophilus tablets from the nearest Whole Foods or its equivalent and have her take them. It can help.

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  11. You cracked up both Mrs. LIAYF and I with this post HM. Lukas has his regression moments too. He will once in a while just soil himselt to get our attention.

    Niiiice.

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  12. Frosted Flakes are More than Good,
    They're Grrr-Reat!
    That other stuff doesn't rate....

    I'm being all cheesy and rhyming. Horray! Glad Peanut is feeling better.. sorry about the crap.. that stinks. Bring her up here. Peer pressure should do the trick =)

    ReplyDelete

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