First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Monday, May 3, 2010


Here in my little part of the Northeast US, there was a large water main break.  2 million people are under a boil water order.  We're four of them.

Boil before drinking.  Bleach before using for cleaning.  Or maybe vice versa.  It's safe for adults to shower but of course with the 2 toddlers who like to drink their bath water, "Mmm, tastes like baby rectum,"  they have to be bathed with the boiled (not boiling.  Little parenting tip there.  You live, you learn) stuff.

As a consequence, the kids are getting incredibly grubby.  I mean, I'm pretty sure if they were restaurants, they'd be shut down by the Board of Health at this point.  I'm going to wait and see how long it takes for the two of them to get so disgusting they stick together.  Convenient!

It's a lot of work to keep up with all those pots of water, you know?  I need it for coffee.

We're getting some conflicting info from the authorities.  On the one hand, the state tells us that while we have to boil the water, if we were to drink a little straight from the tap, it'd likely be no worse than swallowing a little lake water while swimming. On the other hand, they're saying that not only should we be drinking boiled water, but we should be giving it to our pets as well.  Seriously?  All I'm saying is that I have a Boxer that I love very much.  I' ve seen this dog drink water that'd make fungus puke.   I'm pretty sure that she, when slightly thirsty, would slurp water from a bum's asshole.  
I think I'm not worried about her drinking a little "lake water."

We were able to procure some bottled water at our local BJ's.  The lines were long and they are rationing.  There have been incidents in some locations.  I was not involved in more than one of them.  Let me just say for posterity, "No Buts (back cuts) in the water rationing line, thank you."

One local town (Medford MA)  was giving away free water.  Someone from my town rode two buses for an hour for one case of bottled water.  They were turned away.

Automated phone warnings went out to the residents of each city via that city's emergency warning system.  We got ours from the city of _______ because that's where my wife works.  We're still waiting on a call from our home town.

All in all, considering the scope of this water emergency--mild--and the way people are acting--kind of crappy-- I've realized it might be time to build that safe house up in the Maine woods.  If things are going  this badly now, I don't think we want to be hanging around when the shit really hits the fan (i.e zombies, germ warfare, Corporate Hegemony, Grand Dictator Justin Bieber, Socialism, Jew Revolution (Revojewtion), etc.  I don't know exactly what it's going to be.)

As a family however, we're holding it together pretty well.  Now I just have to figure out how to convince my wife that a "no laundry order" was issued while she was in work.  I'll say I got a phone call from the city.

Bemused and needing a shower,

Homemaker Man


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I marveled at how you managed combine two very different themes: water shortage and butts into one post.

  3. Hey, we have enough of you guys from "away" in Maine now! lol

  4. Eva, there's always room for more imports to Maine! :)
    And my family moved 6 in 22 years ago, but 4 have left, so HomeMaker's family could fill their slots.

    Hope your water is potable soon, so it doesn't have to be portable. Hah! I so entertain myself.

  5. It was on the news...saw it!
    Boil it well!
    I feel you dear...flooding & now this~
    PEACE*(i hope)

  6. OKay sorry that you have to live like pioneers... but HEY this will better prepare you for the "BIG ONE" ;)

    No seriously that sucks.

  7. Yes, we will all be in trouble when the shit hits the fan.

    But hey, at least if you are a bum then you could find work as a water fountain.

  8. It's amazing how we take the little things, you know, like water, for granted.
    And reading this post makes me realize I should probably phone and check in on my Father in Mass. Oops.

  9. Why drink the crappy lake water when you could be drinking REAL lake water?? Time to plan a weekend trip--come visit us and you can stock up on water from our Walmart. =)

  10. I just heard about this yesterday! Sucky! I also watched a special called ... uh something Armageddon ... which was what would happen if a big pandemic swept the nation. It was pretty interesting and water of course, was one of the key factors, especially for city living (which you don't want to do for long apparently). My husband and I are in disagreement on how long one should stay in a city -- after all if you banded together with your neighbors then you would have a better chance of survival. Maybe it depends on the size of the city.

    Anyway. Sponge baths?


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