First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Sunday, July 18, 2010

"Goin' To The Country,

gonna eat me a lot of peaches."

That, is a fine ol' diddy by the Presidents Of The United States Of America.

We are going to the country this weekend, bound for Sebago Lake, Maine.   I know, it's awesome.

I will be attempting the very difficult "blogging while on vacation without seeming rude" maneuver.

I was tagged in a meme, (when I say that in my head, I say it like Beaker from the Muppets "memememememe").  by the charming, witty, and ballsy Sara in Le Petite Village.  The meme is entitled "Inspired Questions" and asks about things like "your most interesting trip," or "your biggest decorating faux pas."  These things are right in my wheelhouse, obviously.    I'll be answering them one at a time probably.  Or not.

Today, lets do the most interesting trip one:

When I was 7, I went to  Catalina Island.  Off the coast of California.  The trip was about a 2 hour ferry ride.  I became violently sea sick right about the time the boat left the dock.  For about a ½ hr, I threw up like it was an Olympic event.  Then, blessedly,  passed out in a toilet stall.  It was like foreshadowing for my twenties.  

I came to on a padded bench, got up, went outside to the bow (boating term!) of the ship  We were almost to the island. It looks like Santa Barbara broke off and floated into the ocean.  Green hills and perfect pastel beach houses.  

I looked starboard (term 2!), and there soaring above the gunwale (holy shit!), was a school of flying fish. Had to be at least 9 silvery-black fish, flying over the ocean, keeping pace with the boat.

 I managed not to puke on them.  I found out later, I missed the dolphins while unconscious.  Fucking dolphins.

Then we got to the Island.   There is a gentle green peak in the middle.  For transportation they had these little electric jeeps you could rent and drive up the mountain road and in town they also had these open electric trolley cars that zipped along at a pretty good pace.  You had to wait til they stopped to get on.

One of my mom’s friends brought a date.  Mom was 25 at the time, her friends were around the same age.  This woman that "Dan" (tall kinda goofy, glasses, big adams apple,), brought with him had to have been at least 40.  She wore yellow polyester pants and a beige shirt and a floppy wide brimmed hat that matched the pants.  She was about 5'2 with straight, short, brown hair.  She carried a plain brown purse by by holding her right arm against herself and letting the handles slip down into the crook of that arm.  I mention her now because until now, I had been too busy puking to notice her.  

We rent a couple jeeps and drive up the winding mountain road to the peak.  It's very cool and a little scary to me.  We get back to town and make with the strolling and sight-seeing.  The date--we'll call her Helen--Helen is kind of bringing up the rear.  She starts talking.  We all turn around to listen.  

As she is talking, one of those electric trolleys is speeding toward us. As it comes even with the group, Helen thrusts her left arm through a window opening. She catches hold of a thin metal support bar and gets snatched off her feet and away she goes.  At 25-30 mph.   The trolley whipped her through the air like a middle-aged flag. 

 The whole time, while she had a trolley in the crook of her left arm, the crook of her right arm never let go of that purse.  And her right hand was mashed firmly on top of her hat.  After about 100 feet, she let go and crashed ass first on to the asphalt.  She finally lost the hat.  We ran up to her and Dan helped her up while she protested that she was fine fine really just fine.  To this day, I swear, she did it on purpose.   Then, we just went about the rest of our day. I don't remember anything else about that trip. And that is the most interesting trip I’ve ever taken.

There was also the time in college where I ate a handful of mushrooms and then 2 hours later found my self smearing a banana all over my own face to see how it felt, but I don’t think that’s what you meant.


Homemaker Man


  1. Oh my. I can relate to the banana smearing but the rest leaves me speechless. I feel your pain about remaining an anonymous blogger. Of course you want to protect your children. I recently worked in Yellowstone Park and got a little carried away with my criticism of my employers on my blog. O.K., really critical. I had turned in my resignation, thought I was home free, when they discovered my blog. They were not amused. I couldn't decide whether I should cry or laugh. I seriously thought they were going to have the rangers escort me out of the park. I'm still blogging, not anonymously, guess I like to live dangerously, but I'm not working for anyone now. Love your blog and will follow. Check out my new blog. Thanks.

  2. Ok, I can see how any subsequent trip, internal or external, would come up short after seeing "Helen Wheels"!

    Having said that, I hope the trip to Maine goes smoothly this time. The weather's good.

  3. Wait, wait, wait. Now I want to hear the entire banana story.

  4. You reached rock star status with me when you used both The Presidents and Beaker in the same post. Then you went even further with the trolley ride. Hilarious stuff.

  5. I love the country. I would really like to move to the middle of B.F.E. and raise chickens, and have a happy little farm life...the way Kate Gosselin does.

  6. I missed most of this post because the whole "meme" thing kept running through my head. And being a male, you know how hard it is to focus when we crap like that floating around in there. Every project I fail for the next few days will be blamed on you. I hope you are satisfied. meme.

  7. Wait. I wanted to hear about that second trip. Go back.

  8. Ballsy? I like it.

    I love how you remembered her outfit perfectly. You little fashion bug you!

  9. I agree. We need to hear more about the mushrooms.

  10. Helen seems vewy interwesting. Sorry, just reminded me of something Bugs Bunny would have done.

  11. Oh that was a good post. Just what I needed. Thank you.

  12. A middle aged flag...that was an awesome visual.

    And I'll be going to bed with that frickin' song in my head tonight. Thank you.

    Isn't that how you're supposed to pronounce "meme"? Oh, and I have Muppet checks and last time I was at the grocery store, the check out girl didn't know who they were. What's the world coming to? I don't know what's worse...the fact that she didn't know who the Muppets were, or the fact that I still write checks.

    Enjoy your time away!

  13. Well, we didn't throw anyone out of moving vehicles, but we sure had a vacation to forget =P Better luck next time =)


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