First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Knucklehead Blog-off Rd 3: Pot-n-Kettle

Welcome to round three of the Knucklehead Blog-off. Phew. We made it. Thank you very much to everyone who voted to get this blog this far. The others competing in this competition are well established blogs with much larger follower counts than my own. Your votes are needed and much appreciated. This week's genre: Satirize a current event. You can vote here, here, or here. Voting begins today and goes through wednesday evening. The following opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily those of the management. Although mostly, they are.

Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Italian premier, he is very popular with the ladies. If by popular you mean willing to pay for sex, and by ladies you mean teenage hookers. Mr. Berlusconi is a well known dipper of the linguini, but recently he's gone too far, even by European standards.

Italian prosecutors-Il Prosecutorios--have recorded conversations of parties who were lucky enough to have spent a weekend or two at the Premier's Milan estate--Il EuroPlayboy Mansionini. The parties describe the villa as a brothel with topless girls, who on one occasion were offered nurse and police uniforms. Because when you're the leader of a country, no matter how illegal you like your sex, safety comes first. A local police union formally protested the wearing of their uniforms to perform sexual acts. Apparently, there was no overtime pay offered.

Prosecutors also placed Berlusconi--henceforth know as "the Dripping Cannoli," under investigation for allegations that he paid for sex with a 17 year old hooker nicknamed Ruby. Hey, that's my dog's name! No shit. Small world.

There is one organization that has decided to take The Dripping Cannoli to task for his indiscretions. One organization with the moral gumption to stand up against criminal sex acts. That organization--The Catholic Church -- Il Panini del Boyo.* Talk about the pedophile calling the whoremonger black.

While not mentioning the Dripping Cannoli by name, Pope Benedict said that public officials must set moral examples and furthermore that public officials must “rediscover their spiritual and moral roots.’’
Oooh, Silvio, you're in troubllleee.

Pope B went on to say that, "The singular vocation that the city of Rome requires today of you, who are public officials, is to offer a good example of the positive and useful interaction between a healthy lay status and the Christian faith."


Let me translate. I think what the Pope is trying to say here, is "hey, Dripping Cannoli, we got enough trouble with all the boy fucking. We don't exactly need the Italian government  slathered in teen hookers." Now picture that being said with a German accent. There you go. 


Partners in Pimpin'

Berlusconi (Il Douche') has got to give this some consideration. If I were a car thief, and an official told me I should stop stealing cars, and that official was the head of the largest human organ black market ring on the planet, I'd stop to think about it. 


The Catholic Church might be on to something here. A systematic "don't piss in my pond' system of moral thought. Utter homophobic slurs -- receive an indignant letter from Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist church. Murder someone -- find yourself on the wrong end of a stern (and ghostly) lecture from Pol Pot. Sell crack to kids -- get an angry phone call from the CIA. 


This could be just what we need as a society to put us back on the straight and narrow. It might've made a difference in my own life. I may have spent a lot less time by myself in the dark as a kid if only I'd had a single, tough, heart-to-heart with PeeWee Herman.




All information in this post gleaned from this Boston Globe article.


*Rough translation: The Sandwich of Boys


Homemaker Man










17 comments:

  1. Well Berlusconi denies he had sex with the girls, but I'm not sure whether to believe him. What would Pee Wee Herman have said to you?

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  2. I hope for your sake that many of your voters aren't devout Catholics, or into teenage prostitution for that matter. ;)

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  3. Dude, you are slaying me here! There are no holds barred when it comes to "saying it like it is".

    And, I am soooo glad you never had a day alone with Pee Wee Herman! That would have cost lots of money in therapy!!!!

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  4. ha!

    "healthy lay status" Seems to me that The Dripping Cannoli needs no more encouragement from the Catholic Church.

    Ahem.

    hee hee

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  5. LOL! As a lapsed Catholic, I loved it! I disagree with you....great piece! (Especially the pediphile calling the whoremonger black!)

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  6. "Pedophile calling the whoremonger black..."

    Not sure you needed to bring race into it.

    Just kidding, great post!

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  7. I'll be honest here. When I first read that Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi was fooling around with hookers, I yawned. I mean, it's Italy, is this really news? You, however, have put it all in perspective. I love how you drug Pee Wee Herman into it. That dirty wanker!

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  8. I recently obtained Italian citizenship. Yay for me.

    Where are my topless trollops?

    Fine. I'll take dripping cannoli.

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  9. I saw an interview with Ruby and she said he gave her €10,000 because she was broke after she moved to the big city, not because she had sex with him. €10,000 for moving to the big city... I wonder how much he'd give me for moving to the little village?

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  10. good rhythm, wordplay and great analogies (anal orgies?) -what? I can't play too?

    Hope you stay in it.

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  11. Wow he makes our sleazy former head of state look like Winston Churchill.

    We are losing our superpower status in such matters.

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  12. "The Sandwich of Boys." Blog line of the day.

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  13. You can't imagine how flattered Phelps is to be mentioned in the same paragraph as Pol Pot. Nice job!

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  14. Hey, just out of curiosity, is your dog Ruby 17 years old?

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  15. I agree with quirkyloon. Except for that last part where she titters. We New Englanders guffaw.

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  16. I always enjoy hearing about this guy in the news. You can't make that shit up. Well, you can, but now you don't have to.

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  17. say thanks to your wife's ELA and ESL Dept, and to the guy who said teachers don't like original thought!

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