First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

99 luft balloons would be a massacre

Why are balloons always so tragic?  They always leave or die.

We got a couple free mylar balloons about 4 days ago. Usually, I have a strict no balloon policy. Balloons are like the West Bank of our household. It doesn't matter whose it is, there is going to be fighting.

And crying. And screaming and wailing and fit throwing and temper tantruming and one time I got shivved in the calf with a sharpened plastic chicken.

But we were Chanukah shopping and were feeling the holiday spirit and they were free so we altered our policy.

Tonight, a balloon died. As they always do.  The Peanut's mourning process was less than dignified.

Coming off her sickness and a nice day back at school, she threw a record breaking tantrum. Had to have been at least 45 minutes. A lot of it in her room.

I'm pretty sure she called me the c word.

I shouldn't keep letting her watch Train Spotting.

Due to the fabulous festivities of the evening, I am finishing the bottle of sauvignon blanc that I used on tonight's haddock. It's a vintage 2009 Robert Mondavi Private Selection. I believe it's named this because it tastes like Robert Mondavi's privates.

 That is of course conjecture on my part. His privates may very well taste better than this wine.

H to the M.

12 comments:

  1. I find it very entertaining,..the fact that I often read things incorrectly at first glance. Take your last paragraph. I read it, "His privates may very well taste better than mine." I was like, "What the What????"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Balloons are not good. They are very bad. As you know.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh mercy, I laughed at loud at the wine description!

    ReplyDelete
  4. We had a great big frog balloon once that got accidentally released in front of our house and then got tangled in the telephone wires across the street. So it taunted the children for weeks and weeks. Leaving the house just refreshed the wound each and every day. It totally sucked.

    I anti-heart balloons.

    I heart this post.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm not sure which is funnier: this post or the comments.

    Poor impulse control, my ass. You're just trying to scare folks away.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A pox on all balloons. Not only in households with more than one child -- when Mini-Pirate was younger and would get one, she'd take it home, tell it she loved it, give it a name, become completely attached... and when it died she'd become hysterical and mourn its passing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Balloons scare the shit out of me, as do Robert Mondavi's privates. But I think they write private reserve on half their shit and when you go there and see the real private cellar, you are like, what the hell of I been buying from you guys? trying make me feel all "special" with the private bullshit.

    Sorry for the rough day - coming over by way of candica.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Balloons are like the West Bank of our household. It doesn't matter whose it is, there is going to be fighting."

    Excellent, just excellent.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Poor poor Robert Mondavi. LMAO

    Never had his blanc, or his privates for that matter ..... but his red isn't all that bad.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Better Robert Mondavi's than Ernest Gallo's, Mondavi's have that full bodied woody flavour.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Can't you get that in the upscale section of 7-11?

    ReplyDelete

Blog Rankings

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings