First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Four Horsemen of the Chanukahppocalypse

We're doing all the good Hanukkah customs. We've been lighting the menorah candles and dancing to Hava Nagila and giving presents and eating human flesh and hoarding gold and being the world's greatest entertainers. The usual.

In the midst of all this, we've been receiving our own nightly Chanukah present from the peanut in the form of multiple orifice spewage.

I caught some vomit in my hand last night. L'Chaim!

(In the Jewish tradition, that predicts much wealth and a happy marriage. Or a mass exodus. 6 of one . . .)

This morning we kept her home from school.

There I was, trapped like a Catholic in a bad marriage*. One sick 3 year-old girl.

Another toddler that has the basic speed and impulse control of a howler monkey. The business acumen, too.

No car.

I have to post 2 posts today, so this is to be continued . . .

HM

*Fun Fact: Jewish law gives a number of reasons why Jews can get divorced. Including when someone won't put out. Go figure.

6 comments:

  1. I must be the only parent in the world who has never done that "vomit in the hand" trick. My reflexes would never command me to put a part of my body where it could contact puke. I mean, I can buy a new sofa at IKEA. Why traumatize myself?

    There is no greater hell than being trapped in the house with one sick kid and one healthy one. Seriously - it's easier if both are sick. Would it be wrong of me to wish that on you? I'd mean it well.

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  2. I thought she was feeling better. I'm so sad to hear she's hurling again. Good catch, by the way. Buckets. You need more buckets. Stat.

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  3. What's the opposite of Mazeltov? That's what I want to say to you. Hang in there.

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  4. So sorry you're having such a time. Hope the Peanut is better soon!

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  5. Vomit in the hand? What say you to spit up formula in the mouth, hmmm? Oh, yes. Yes. Now, gimme a latke. You know what? Give me six. I like potatoes.

    (hope she is feeling better soon)

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  6. the flesh and gold are always my favorite parts of chanukah too. challah!

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