First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Oh Chanukah Oh Chanukah . . . What's that smell?

So I mentioned something about 8 posts in 8 days. I'll get there. The start of our Chanukah has been a little meshuga. The Peanut has contracted an intestinal illness that has left the entire house in a stinky fog. A fetid fecal haze that clouds the nostrils and feeds the soul. Fecal Haze, all in my brain, as the song should never, ever go.


Tonight, you'll be getting my traditional Chanukah posting. It's my best traditional Chanukah post, if I do say so myself.
And we will be doing exactly as the post says we're doing. Except the Peanut. She's feeling better, but you don't give a sick toddler Thai food unless you're doing an experiment on fecal velocity. Or viscosity. 


Ok, Let's get all Jewish up in here, Chosen peoples:  A Chomemaker Chanukah
*****************************************************************************


Tonight, on Chanukah eve, we celebrated with our Chanukah tradition.  We watched Fiddler on The Roof and ate Thai food.  That shit is straight from the Torah.  Chapter 11 page 436:

And G_D said, " Thai Food?  Sure, why not?"

Maybe that is not exactly what it says in the Torah.  I don't know.  As I've said before , I didn't get a whole lot of formal religious book learnin'.  I got my Judaism from the streets.  Back alley games of high stakes dreidel and red yarmulkes proudly displaying my gang colors.  I was a Bloodberg.

Love that movie, Fiddler On the Roof.  My family knows that if there is ever a community theatre within driving distance of our house auditioning for the part of Tevye, I'm there.  And I'm getting that part.  The theatre calls.

And for those who know the movie, you might wonder; did I get all misty-eyed at the part where Tevye denies his daughter Chava because she has decided to take up with a Polish gentile (Lord knows we've all been there.  The ol' Polish gentile trick.)?  Well, crying is for women and babies.  And I am a baby woman.

In closing, I am excited for Chanukah to start tomorrow.  I will light the candles and read the prayers from the Chanukah book I have which was written for 1st graders.  Then, the gambling will begin.  I am gonna spin that dreidel so good.  My wife and kids won't know what hit'em.  My pockets will be filled with chocolatey gelt by 4 pm tomorrow.  Don't cry, my little babies.  You come to spin the dreidel with me,biatches, you best come correct.

Challah!


Chomemaker Mensch

The gentile could be Russian.  I just know they went to Krakow.  That is all.

9 comments:

  1. What a post! My mind is spinning like your dreidel will be.

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  2. Russian, you dope.

    And we watched Fiddler on the Roof this week also (me and the 3 youngest). When Tevye yells, "No! No!" and waves his arms and Chava is crying, "Papa!"? I was a mess. Scared the children, I think...but I just can't help it. And, really, FotR is the only movie I cry at. The tearjerkers that I'm supposed to cry at? I laugh.

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  3. This post? Where to begin to lavish the praise that is due? I can't. I'm verklempt.

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  4. This was wonderful! Catholics don't have anything in their catechism about Thai food, darn it all....gotta' look into amending that catechism!

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  5. I have never seen Fiddler of the Roof. Clearly I should. Perhaps I'll rent the film. It's either that, or wait impatiently for your theatrical debut. Either way, I fully expect to well up with gentile tears.

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  6. We just watched Fiddler today! My daughter is currently performing in a local youth theatre version (she's in the chorus, so her character's name is Cute Little Villager) and I was in it in High School. It's a great, beautiful tear jerker if there ever was one.

    Chave a Chappy Chanukah, Chomemaker Chman!

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  7. 8 posts in 8 days? That's just slightly nuts. Will be reading, if not commenting on all.

    And Happy Chanukah to you all.

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  8. In the words of the great Adam Sandler...
    "So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, and smoke your mara-juanic-ah,
    If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy
    Hanukkah¡ ¡ . happy hanukka!"

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  9. When I was in fourth or fifth grade, the school loaded my class up in a bus, took us to a movie theater, and we watched 'Fiddler.' I seriously had no idea what was going on. I think I need to Netflix that thing right this second.

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