First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Catcher In The Rye 2: The Movie

Here’s the pitch:

Holden gets out of the sanitarium, convinces everyone he’s fine, moves out to the country. But he’s not fine. He’s pissed off and he’s not gonna take it anymore. Meanwhile, we see a montage of him chopping wood and running in the snow and shooting guns and doing karate on tree trunks.
 
Finally, he’s ready. We know that because he shoots a bug on a leaf at 500 yards and karate chops a tree in half.

He goes back into the city to get his revenge on the pimp that punched him in the stomach and all the pimps and drug dealers and scum in the city are next. Think Rocky 4 meets Taxi driver meets Commando.

At some point we find out Stradlater is a successful CEO and humanitarian who just happens to be up to his handsome neck in organized crime.

Now the movie really takes off.

Holden’s going to put that phony bastard and his entire organization on ice.

Catch phrase scene:

Just as Holden’s about to blow away an unsuspecting mid-level scumbag he turns and puts something on his head. The scumbag--trying to buy time--asks, “What the fuck is that?” 

“This is a people shooting hat."  Holden replies. "I shoot people in this hat. Motherfucker. (Kaplow Kaplow. Zap. Ping.)”

That’s totally from the original book.  Except the “Mother Fucker” which I added. It’s more cinematic.

Watch for Catcher In The Rye 3: The Phonies’ Revenge in 2013 and Catcher In The Rye 4: The Phoebe Effect in 2015.


Any of the movie studio execs that regularly read this blog and want to option this idea, please email me. We’ll talk.

------------------------------------

Cute naked story alert:

Bath time. Undressing the kids. The Pman is facing the Peanut as I take off his diaper.

The Peanut pipes, "There's his penis! Penis penis bo-benis bananafan fo fenis me my mo menis, penis."

I am a lucky dad.

HM

10 comments:

  1. You could add Zombies. Then it would be epic!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm concerned about you; you need to get out more. out, bo-bout, bo-bannabanna , whatever!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You ARE a fantastic Dad!! Not only correct names but having the entire rhyme down. I still can't get all the way through that. We never quite got to the anatomically correct names here. What a surprise it will be on wedding night (for sure!) when the peeper is going for the china!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I never got that whole Name Song right- I'm impressed with the Peanut!

    ReplyDelete
  5. People! Hello? We're supposed to be discussing the excellent movie idea here.

    "Motherfucker" is definitely a good addition. I bet J.D. Salinger wishes (from beyond the grave) that he had thought of that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Add Bruce Willis and an exploding skyscraper, and I think we've found the new generation's next Die Hard.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love that Peanut turned 'The Name Game' into a song about penises. Classic.

    ReplyDelete
  8. haha..
    I kinda like penis rap~
    Take care guys!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. That movie sounds excellent. There has to be a scene where he rescues the kids in the rye before they fall off the cliff. But first there should be a scene where he himself falls off the cliff yet survives despite having to cut off his own hand. And THEN he scales the cliff to rescues the kids.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A vigilante Holden Caulfield cracks me up-great idea. I love that you followed the movie idea with an anecdote from the bathroom-brilliant random coupling.

    ReplyDelete

Blog Rankings

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings