First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Somebody Grease My Pecs

 We joined the Young Men's Christian Association this week. I like to type it out like that. Sounds like we joined a cult.

My wife and I have both lost a lot of weight recently. I myself have lost 27 pounds. I know. Thank you. It's just like a story about a heroic fireman except for the part where there is no fireman or heroism.  We joined because my wife wants to tone up and I'm starting to plateau (i.e. eat secret pizza). The workout itself was pretty routine. I did lots of squatting and sweating and jerking and grunting and then I left the locker room and went to workout.

The exciting news is that the Peanut is taking her first swim class. There she is with her bubble, swim noodle, spastic dog paddle, and teacher right by her side and all I can hear in my head is, "Holy shit, she's swimming! She's is swimming! Call Michael Phelps and get me a dime bag! We're going to the fucking Olympics!"

Or words to that effect.

I also took my first swimming lesson. Adult intermediate, thank you very much. I'm ok in the water, but I have the swimming stroke of an injured bird. That's not quite right. An injured Jew. Better.

My wife is a very strong swimmer, the kids are probably going to be as well, and I don't want to be the one left behind guarding the shoes while they swim away to go play King of The Raft. Too much pain, man. Too much pain.

The other exciting thing about the Y is that they provide up to 2 hrs of free baby sitting while you workout. This past week has seen me become remarkably committed to excercising. It's a first for all of us, this leaving kids with strangers thing. I was nervous. Turns out I kind of like it. I've heard some extra "I miss you/love you Daddies" the last few days and I didn't even have to withhold food.

It's all been such a positive experience (Even the yoga class, which was surprisingly stereotypically yoga odd. At one point the instructor actually told us to "breathe out of the left side of your neck." So, I'm pretty excited to get flexible enough to grow gills. Right now I've got the flexibility of an obsessive compulsive accountant. Experiencing rigor mortis. In a freezer.) it's made me very grateful to the Young Men's Christian Association. Eternally grateful. Indebted. You might even say, I've seen the light. So thank you, Young Christian Men's Assoc. Thank you for letting this old Jewish Man inside you.

Wait . . .



  1. LOL!

    good for you--losing weight, working out. I'm impressed!

    Trust me, it's much easier now than when you're in your 60s!

  2. About 6 years ago, we also discovered the joys of the YMCA cult. Free babysitting! Tae Kwon Do for the kids! Swim lessons! Swim team!

    And then the dark side emerged...the winter of 2005-2006 was absolutely our sickest winter ever (and really, that's pretty bad). Not that I'm blaming the germ-laden nursery or anything...but it couldn't have been the pool, which was so over-chlorinated that it bleached out swimsuits... Also? The manager called me and asked me to stop publicly exposing myself by breastfeeding my baby on the bench outside the TKD room. You know, the bench right next to the exercise area where sweaty, nubile young women in nothing more than jog bras and short shorts were bouncing around on the treadmills and the track? When I refused to comply, she told me I was violating the Y's family-friendly policy.

    But I guess you won't have that problem...

  3. This post is just so full of awesome- where do I start to comment? Weight loss? Impressive.

    Kid learning to swim and parent setting good example of not drowning/proper strokes? Excellent.

    Exercising along with spouse? Admirable.

    Free babysitting with justifiable personally-focused time, plus the possibility of growing gills? Priceless indeed!

    (Not touching the Young Christian Men letting you in- and neither should you)

  4. I need me some weight loss. But first...chips.

  5. Thanks Eva. After the 1st workout I felt like I was in my one hundred and 60's.

    SC Why am I not surprised there is a dark side to something called the Young Men's Christian Association.?

    Linda-You prude . . .

    dbs I couldn't agree more.

    MC-You're awesome. Me, I write like an injured bird.

  6. The Young Men's Christian Association let me become a member of their cult, as well. My grown son and I snuck in there just last night to do some circuit training. We got out safely, narrowly escaping their non-Christian detection system.

  7. I'm thrilled and in awe of your new-found desire to (be free of the kids) get healthy! Just a note: this is how the whole stress fracture thing started in the first place. Minus the kids, the Y, and passing for a Christian. Isn't it fun to exercise with your spouse?

  8. Good stuff man. We are thinking of joining the YMCA (hey, I was shortening the title and look what it spells!) too. I swim like an injured dog. The paddling kind.

    Good on you losing that weight.

  9. Adult intermediate--very impressive! I swam for the first time in years on Saturday. 2 laps in two minutes, followed by 7 minutes of heavy breathing. I think I'm doing something wrong...

  10. We joined the Y not too long ago as well. It's been nothing but awesome, except for the part when we were having lunch out at the picnic tables near the pool and I came across a possum in the trash can. Zoinks.

  11. Let me know when the Village People show, skinny.


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