I'd rather watch Two and a Half Men

So the Peanut has a new friend.  I don't like her.  Little Latina girl.  Goes by the name of Dora.  I think her last name is Explorer or something.  This girl hangs out with some weird friends man.   First, she's got this talking backpack.  Which, that's cool.  I've had conversations with some weirder shit than that in my day.   But the damn thing is just so inarticulate.

It starts every conversation By singing "backpack, BACKpack" over and over again and then it give a list of the things that it is supposed to be carrying and then, it eats it all.  It's like "Oh, Dora has a cellphone, and a scarf, and a flashlight,  and a bag of weed, and a copy of the Anarchist's Cookbook"  and then proceeds to eat all her shit.  It goes "nomnomnom, Delicioso!"  Which is creepy and inappropriate.  It's not cool when your anthropomorphized accessories eat all your things.   But she has no problem with this.

 I just hate this show.  Not only does she hang out with that backpack, she carries around a brain damaged map who introduces itself every show by singing:

I'm a map I'm a map
I'm a map I'm a map
I'M A MAP( which I can't help singing over and over again at home.  Take that, everyone who lives with me.)!


I think we got it the first four times there, sing-y.  And then it gives these directions like, " first, go through the Disconcerting Forest of Insecure Adults, over Latchkey Kid Hill , and through the gates of Castle Wolfenstein, and you're there!"  No rights, lefts, distances, street names.  Actually, it's still more accurate than google maps.

And her best friend is a monkey who bullies my kid to "say phone, SAY PHONE" or whatever.  The tone of voice indicating that the unspoken part of that is"bitch."

And the animation is awful.  I'm pretty sure the map draws most of it.

So it's here.  The Dora phase.  I didn't know how sucky it would be.  Her favorite one is an episode called "Starcatcher." The plot is: Dora chases a whiny, self-pitying star named Woo-Who all over the place because the show's writers get paid in glue fumes.

This dumb fuck star just mournfully repeats it's own name-woowhoWOOWHOO- and then gets itself kidnapped by a criminal fox(there's an original concept) and delivered to a prince with a shitty page-boy haircut and a creepy Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator vibe.  Then they have a star catching contest and then I'm not sure what happens next except I think it has something to do with peyote buttons.

I am hating the tv right now.  It'll be much better when we get a bigger, newer one for Hanukkah(that's the only spelling the spell check recognizes.  The spell check is anti-semitic) or Christmas.

What was worse, this post or the actual cartoon?  Don't answer that.  Bastards.

Non-sequiturily,

Homemaker Man, Homemaker Man
Homemaker Man, Homemaker Man
HOMEMAKER MAN!