I saw my brother-in law today. He and his are expecting their first baby in February. And he is READY. He has been ready since he was about 12 years old. Always wanted a wife and family. They've been to all the classes, read books and websites, talked about discipline, etc. And he has been considering his own personal parenting style for 20+years. He is calm and prepared and completely screwed.
I think that's how most of us go into it, the parenting gig. There are difficulties no amount of studying or considering can prepare you for and a depth of emotion that you just don't experience until you get there.
For my brother in-law, I have this wish:
When we had our first baby, I was ready. I was scared shitless, but ready in terms of wanting a child, having taken classes, financially, and so forth. But that depth of feeling when you hold them in your arms the first time . . . for me it was light and heat that seared away everything that had happened in my life up to that point. All I was left with was love for my family and Perspective. True, Hi-def, blue-ray, colors you could hear, music you could see, perspective. I finally knew what was important.
I always thought I knew before. The arrogance that is afforded the unwise. Let me say here that those without children are not unwise, nor do they have false perspectives. This is me I'm talking about. Aaannnyhizzle . . .
I thought I knew what was really important, or I think a better way to put it is, I thought I really knew what important felt like. I thought the passion that I had for certain things, the righteous indignation I allowed my self at times, the personal indulgences, were all things that felt really important. But then that baby came and I lost my breath and felt bare before a cold wind. When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of . . . you know, like that.
And the personality changes I went through are the material for a whole different post. Let's just say I went from "go along to get along, everything's groovy" to "if you touch my baby I'll kill youohmygod what's that on her face?!"
So that is what I wish for my brother in-law. That all consuming feeling. Except for the part where I completely lost my mind for a bit. I wish for him that burning new perspective. The chance to experience love and commitment to his family on a whole other level. The chance to be able to look back on his life from a whole new place. To feel like a new man. Perspective. I love you brother-in law. Now buckle in bitch, you are fucked.
Zamboni driving, snow shoveling and hockey games today. That can only mean one thing: Japanese Poetry.
Frozen whispers fall.
Everything is new again
Except my shovel
Frigid morning sun
no warmth, only light on ice
I'm calling in sick
This last one goes out to a specific character at the rink. True story:
Steel plate in your head?
And you wear shorts in winter?
Steel plate in your head.