First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas and shit

It's one o'clock Christmas morning.  I still have a little cleaning to do.   My perfect wife  went off to bed about half an hour ago.  We trimmed the tree tonight.  It looks wicked pissah (for those who do not speak New England, that means nice.).  Then we finished wrapping and assembling the gifts for the kids.  Which is wild.  I actually sat up late at night putting presents together for my own kids.  So cool.  I'm also finishing a bottle of Pinot Grigio.  So tipsy. 

A little trivia:  Pinot Grigio is actually Italian for Pint of Grigio.  No shit.

Something I love about my wife:  She hates the movie A Christmas Story.  Everyone else in the western world loves it and she could give a fuck.  That's why my wife is cooler than yours.  Go suck a dick, Ralphie.

Both kids had fevers yesterday and part of today.  The Peanut was crabby.  When I put her to bed, she first refused to put out cookies for Santa and then when I tucked her in and started talking all the Santa and Christmas tomorrow morning shit, she was like, "No!  No sSnta.  No Christmas."

Looks like when that fat bastard gets here I'm going to have to turn his red clad ass away.  

"Ho ho ho, Merry Chri-

"Nope, sorry dude, we don't want any."

"But I have presents for Peanut and Pumpkin man."

"Listen man, we're all set.  No Christmas here.  Now fuck o- wait, what's that?'


"I'll take that.  Now scram Kringle."

"But I have presents for the chil-

"Do I have to call the cops dude?  I said beat it.  "

I'll do what it takes to make my kids happy on Christmas.  Even if it means taking out a restraining order on Ol' St. Nick.

I just wanted to write something here tonight because really what I wanted to say is that I am really glad I started blogging and to thank anyone who has ever read a post.  I feel like I've made some friends, become part of a community, and read some really good stuff.  So thanks everybody.  I kinda love you guys.  And of course, Merry Christmas.  And shit.

Figgy puddingly,

Homemaker Man


  1. Wow, you just trimmed the tree on Chrimstas eve? My tree is coming down tonite! I put mine up the weekend after Thanksgiving and it's down Chrismtas night.

  2. I can't wait to see the pictures!!!

  3. You did a good job, Daddy. Christmas was a huge success largely because you are the best, even if the pinot joke was not! (Ha! See how I snuck in an extra dig?) Seriously? The Kringle dialogue? Hysterical! And "red clad ass"? Perfection.

    P.S. I am very, very in love with you and very, very tired.

  4. I don't get the fuss about A Christmas Story either. I'm just a tradition-loving It's A Wonderful Life sort of gal. Which I made my family watch with me today...and it was great, as usual.

  5. Merry Christmas and shit to you guys too! You guys are surely one of the families that I am happiest to have bloggy met.

  6. You have a gift at making people laugh. You are so clever!

    Your children are so lucky to have you as a father!

    Merry Christmas to you, your perfect wife, and your two kiddo's!

    (make that a happy new years, since i've been mia, and christmas is already past!)

  7. MHM-Yeah, we do the traditional 12 days of Christmas with our decorations. They'll come down on the 5th or 6th.

    tek-we can't wait to see you! Oh wait. You're going to be in Raymond . . .

    Tumbleweed-I love you

    S.C-. That's sort of how we named our cat. "Zhu-Zhu's(sp?) petals. Zhu-Zhu's Petals!"


    Brittany-You are too nice and your son is incredibly lucky. I'll bet you are aces as a mommy.

  8. Yeah we take ours down the 6th as well, though I'll be honest, I wanted to take it all down yesterday after getting home from the inlaws. I want that extra space again -- especially after having gotten a ton more toys.

    I was equally excited about wrapping gifts for the kids. Just think of how awesome it will be NEXT year!

  9. I don't like a Christmas Story. I'm not even sure if I ever saw it so your wife AND me are totally fucking cool. Oh and your kid, smart one. If Santa tried to bring his fat ass down my chimney, I poke with the a Jewish star.

  10. I actually almost did call the cops on Santa today. I'm coming home from my parent's house and I pull into my subdivision. It's dark. Because it gets that way at night. And there's Santa. Standing on the sidewalk in front of the neighbors house, holding a huge red sack. He doesn't move a muscle as I drive by, doesn't even look at me. I wonder if it's my tv and lap top in his bag. I quickly pull into the garage and shut the door before he can sneak in behind me (he's tricky, that guy, with his flying reindeer and such). All my electronics are still in place, so I sneak a peek out the window and Santa is gone. But I swear to God I heard someone trying the doorknob a few minutes later. Christmas is over. This guy had the full suit and beard. It's dark! What was he doing? Will I sleep at all tonight? Should I stack pans in front of the doors?


    Sounds like you had a good holiday and I'll have you know that I really enjoy your blog and your wife's. I feel like I'm family now and I fully expect to be on your Christmas card list next year.

    Happy New Year! :)


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