First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Sunday, December 20, 2009

This is Not Another Dora Screed/P-Man's Bday

On the Dora Christman Carol, when trying to teach swiper the fox the error of his thieving ways, they decided instead of ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, they'd do time travel.  That's cool.  I love a good time travel machine.  However, instead of a time travel machine, they used Travel capes.  I don't know if this had to do with budgetary restraints not allowing for the purchase of a time machine, or the fact that the Dora animators couldn't draw a decent time machine to save their lives.


To enable the  time travel, they sing/chant:  "Shake, shake, shake
                                                                           Shake your travel cape!"


My 2 and a half year old daughter is still potty training.  She spends a lot of time diaperless and half-naked. Since the weather has turned cold, instead of half-nakedness, I merely unsnap the legs of her cozy, one piece, feety-less pjs, that way allowing for quick access at potty time while also providing a warm, skirt-like piece of apparel.

She happens to love to sing the above mentioned travel cape song.  When she is dressed like I described, the pj's skirt provides a great travel cape for shaking.

Except that she doesn't say "travel cape."  She lifts the pj's skirt, flashing her tiny vagina for the entire household, and proceeds to wiggle her hips and sing,"  Shake, shake, shake
                                                      shake your trouble cake!"

"What the f . . . No!  No trouble cake!"  is how I reacted.  "That is not a trouble cake!  You do not shake your trouble cake!  Ever!"  I said that all inside.  Lord knows I don't what to start giving her issues about her trouble cake.  She's going to have a hard enough time just growing up female.

Sigh.  I was thinking I wouldn't have to deal with the reality of her trouble cake for at least another 16 years.  Fucking Dora.

On the bright side, that is a pretty goddamn original euphemism for that particular piece of anatomy.

-------------------------------------------

It was the Pumpkin Man's 1st birthday today.  We had the party on Saturday and it was a great success.  He received plenty of good loot and his sister also made out well.  Everyone was afraid she would feel left out, so everyone bought her something, us included.

The fact that the party went well was a huge relief.  Our collective families, are, well . . . they are definitely beyond the pale.  But everyone was on best behavior and it was a lovely time.  Two small issues only:  1.  The kids' great uncle's present that he brought for the Peanut so she wouldn't feel left out?  A pez dispenser, and pez.   A pez dispenser.   For a toddler.  Is a choking gun.  It is a gun that shoots choking.  It has been removed for the time being.

2.  My father thought it was funny to show the kids that whipping their toys around the room is fun.  First time one of the kids gets injured, I'm going to go to his house and whip his toys at his head.  See how it feels to get blasted in the skull with a banjo.

Probably I won't do that, but I'll picture it vividly.

Also, we took the kids out in the snow today.  It was great fun and extra special because it was actually the P'man's 2nd time in the snow because there was a snow storm similar to this one the day he was born.  Bit of a full circle trip for us courtesy of mother nature.  So that was very cool.


Ok.  That is all.  Good luck in the snow to everyone who got snowed on.


Happy Birthday my Pumpkin Man.  I love you to pieces.

Dad.





8 comments:

  1. don't you love how people do stuff and then leave you to suffer the consequences or in your case, a skull fracture or the joy of using the heimlich manuever on your loved ones?

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  2. Only 2 mishaps? What about when your grandmother, Mapa, grabbed her tits?

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  3. That's not a mishap. That's show time.

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  4. Incidents like you describe will happen more often as your children grow. Just last week, I was in a terrible hurry to get far enough away from my grandmother's drive, to remove the freaking lollipop she had given to my 7 month old. Then there was the year a thoughtful grandparent gave my then 8 year old son, 'Grand Theft Auto' for his playstation. I have vowed to never become the kind of grandparent who pulls crap like that...or my children have my permission to put me out of my misery.

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  5. and Happy Birthday Peanut! The first birthday always makes me very sad. I suppose that is why I have six kids.

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  6. Happy Birthday!
    So much white powder everywhere, only watched it on tv & not in person though! I thought of you guys each time I pass Dora in the shops now!
    hehe~

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  7. I'm going to ask My Love for some trouble cake tonight. I hoep to confuse her enough that I end up getting lucky.

    Happy birthday to the Pumpkin Man.

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  8. Aww, thanks for not writing about me being a pain in the arse, baracading the children, and refusing to move LMAO.

    I sort of felt like a jerk when I realized just how many people had come in, but I thought I was almost done and didn't want to pack everything up and relocate. Plus when I get into a project I don't like interruptions LOL

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