Today at my house we had our own 6 hour healthcare debate.
On my side of the aisle, I had a plan for my children's healthcare to which my opponents--said children--strenuously objected. This plan included steps to make spending more efficient and make preventative medicine a higher priority. The plan called for bold and immediate reforms like Eating your Lunch and Taking a Nap. Or as my opponents called it, “sleep socialism.”
As the Senator from the great state of Toddler Hysteria put it, “It starts out with all of us sharing a nap and the next thing you know, Russian tanks are steaming down Main St. !"
Typical sound-bite scare tactics. Though, I'll admit, I was thrown briefly for a loop. I was surprised that they knew that Russians were ever a threat; what Russians are; of the existence of tanks, or the anachronistic term “steaming.” Nothing really steams anymore unless you've got hot food or you’re going to the bathroom outside in the cold. But I digress.
My opponents are, in point of fact, threatening a sleep filibuster, their third of the week, if I don’t put an immediate hold on on this "ridicyou-us" idea. I have countered by implying that I will circumvent their filibuster with certain parliamentary techniques. Like "keeping you up a little later," "threatening to close your door," and in the case of an impassible impasse, benadryl. The last one is a bluff. This administration is proudly anti-baby drugging. For now.
They have demanded I pledge both not to use any of these techniques and to scrap my original plan if I want them to commit to the debate. I called for a time-out.
We're voting on it . . . I am vetoing the majority "no time-out provision." There is screaming.
It seems I will have to move forward on my health-care initiative without bi-partisan support. I will have to use a large part of the surplus coffee from the Homemaker stimulus plan to push things through.
Politics ain't what they used to be.
Homemaker Man
P.S. I was not surprised that they knew the term "socialism." All toddlers are crazy right wing extremists (anti-sharing) and therefore have received their talking-points memo.
Sleep? Dude! The only things that sleep here are my dogs and cats...lucky f*#kers. Eating, as you might have guessed from my last post, isn't a problem here. ;)
ReplyDeleteHi. Do you clean floors? Will you live with me? I will pay you in gum.
ReplyDeleteNo movement on the "eat your veggies" platform either, I take it.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post. And always nice to meet a fellow Bay State dad.
ReplyDeleteHmmm....why our country is in trouble...our Senators act like 3-year-olds...
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I wrote "but I digress." Duh.
ReplyDeleteIs it cheating for me to take that out at this point?
Can't tell you how much I loved this post...and how much it sounds like my week. My win right now is that if my kids are naughty I can threaten to take away showers, brushing teeth and vitamin and they go crazy...the love those things...although one day it'll come back to bite me when they decide I can take those away and then I'm in trouble...
ReplyDeleteI see no way of bringing these two sides together in agreement. Reform will have to be pushed through some other way, a la secretly cooking veggies into their brownies or something. Don't tell the Russkies.
ReplyDeleteHilarious post. Stopping by for the first time. Think I'll make myself comfortable.
ReplyDeleteThe Holmes- I'm pretty sure doing that to brownies is against the geneva convention.
ReplyDeleteJames-Thank you for coming by. Please make yourself comfortable. Feet OFF the sofa.
By the Lords of Kobol, man... If you had a fan club I'd join -- even if it had a $19.95 annual fee and one had to pay S&H on the newsletter!
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