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Phew.  We went on a little weekend vacation in Maine.  Sebago Lake.  Incredible time.  The area is still fairly quiet this early in the summer.  Got in the very cold water a little.  Relaxed.  Played games.  Madly love the people we stayed with.  Again got to see a 50 year old mom whip her 23 year old daughter's ass in 2 wrestling matches.  Funniest thing ever.  The mom is about 5'3.  The daughter is about 5'10 and 16 pounds.  All limbs.  When she got pinned, it looked like a small turtle squashing a big spider.  Great weekend.

Coming home.

The drive up took us about 3 hours.  The drive back:  almost 7.  It was my wife's birthday today.

Happy Birthday honey.

"Hey," we said, "it's your birthday today.  Let's do something special.  Lets take the scenic route along the southern coast.  We'll stop someplace nice, near the ocean, and eat and look at the waves.  How long could it take?"

7 hours, 1 car, 2 toddlers.  Bad math.

It started out great.  Like we often do when we tour breath-taking seaside towns, we picked out about a dozen places to which we are definitely moving when we sell. Some were beautiful houses with large decks and perfect gardens.  Some were simply near the beach.

Then, we hit a less scenic point in the trip.  And everyone got hungry.  And everyone had to pee.  All at once.  And were not close to anything promising. So we pushed it.  We ended up on the boardwalk at Old Orchard Beach.  Pizza, Pier Fries, Seafood, arcades, rides, and one small family having a complete meltdown in the middle of it all.

Then we peed and had pizza and clams and delicious Pier fries and piled back into the car.  5 minutes passed.  Daughter: "Daddy, I have to poopoo."  Stop.  Poopoo in our tiny porta potty.  Go.

Boy cries.  Stop, change diaper.  Drive.  And so it goes.

Obviously we made a mistake.  Not the kids.  I'm pretty sure.  The jury is still out on that.

I mean thinking we could take kids that young on that kind of car trip.  By the time we finally got home, it sounded like we had kidnapped two very angry chimps from their natural habitat.  Thank god they were strapped in and couldn't get to their feces.

Sorry about that guys.  Daddy made a bad call.

The important thing.  It's my wife's birthday today.  She was gracious as could be about how the day went.  She is also more beautiful today then the day we met.  She's already called bullshit on that.  Maybe it's me.  I'm definitely more beautiful today than the day we met.

What I mean is, maybe it's that she's just more beautiful to me now than before.  Maybe it's just that I see her better.  Appreciate her more.  I don't know.  My perspective is the truth to me.

I love you my darling.  Happy Birthday.  Thanks for sharing it with me.  Next year, let's drive to the Grand Canyon.  We can make it!

Happy to be home,

Homemaker Man

Gratuitous pic of Sebago Lake because it's just so damn pretty.

Death Of A Vacation

"Tissue."

"Suction."

"Steam."

"More suction."

"Sponges."

"Mores sponges."

"Dammit, nurse, more sponges!"

"Screw it.  I need a clamp and I need it fast!"

"It's gushing.  We can't stop it.  I've never seen this much mucous"

"We'll stop it.  Give me everything you've got.   Tissues, Sponges, clamps, soup. Steam, suction, suction, suct wait. What's that?"

"We have a fever.  101. "

"There is nothing we can do."

"Call it.  I said call it!"

"Time of death 3:07 pm.  Cause of death, runny nose, sneezing, and a fever.  Classic Toddler-itis. This vacation never saw it coming.  I'll tell the family.  They . . . they'll have to try again in two weeks.  You never know what 'll happen, when it comes to Todder-itis.  It kills more vacations than bad weather and workaholism combined."

So, instead of romping through the woods in Maine this weekend, we're slumping through the living room in Everett, MA.  Not the best trade.  Very one sided.  

Kind of like if you were to trade LeBron James for me.  Bad move.  He could never handle being a SAHD.

On the bright side, kids are a little better this morning, and I get to catch up on my dvr'd shows and yard work.  Sigh.