First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Monday, June 7, 2010


Phew.  We went on a little weekend vacation in Maine.  Sebago Lake.  Incredible time.  The area is still fairly quiet this early in the summer.  Got in the very cold water a little.  Relaxed.  Played games.  Madly love the people we stayed with.  Again got to see a 50 year old mom whip her 23 year old daughter's ass in 2 wrestling matches.  Funniest thing ever.  The mom is about 5'3.  The daughter is about 5'10 and 16 pounds.  All limbs.  When she got pinned, it looked like a small turtle squashing a big spider.  Great weekend.

Coming home.

The drive up took us about 3 hours.  The drive back:  almost 7.  It was my wife's birthday today.

Happy Birthday honey.

"Hey," we said, "it's your birthday today.  Let's do something special.  Lets take the scenic route along the southern coast.  We'll stop someplace nice, near the ocean, and eat and look at the waves.  How long could it take?"

7 hours, 1 car, 2 toddlers.  Bad math.

It started out great.  Like we often do when we tour breath-taking seaside towns, we picked out about a dozen places to which we are definitely moving when we sell. Some were beautiful houses with large decks and perfect gardens.  Some were simply near the beach.

Then, we hit a less scenic point in the trip.  And everyone got hungry.  And everyone had to pee.  All at once.  And were not close to anything promising. So we pushed it.  We ended up on the boardwalk at Old Orchard Beach.  Pizza, Pier Fries, Seafood, arcades, rides, and one small family having a complete meltdown in the middle of it all.

Then we peed and had pizza and clams and delicious Pier fries and piled back into the car.  5 minutes passed.  Daughter: "Daddy, I have to poopoo."  Stop.  Poopoo in our tiny porta potty.  Go.

Boy cries.  Stop, change diaper.  Drive.  And so it goes.

Obviously we made a mistake.  Not the kids.  I'm pretty sure.  The jury is still out on that.

I mean thinking we could take kids that young on that kind of car trip.  By the time we finally got home, it sounded like we had kidnapped two very angry chimps from their natural habitat.  Thank god they were strapped in and couldn't get to their feces.

Sorry about that guys.  Daddy made a bad call.

The important thing.  It's my wife's birthday today.  She was gracious as could be about how the day went.  She is also more beautiful today then the day we met.  She's already called bullshit on that.  Maybe it's me.  I'm definitely more beautiful today than the day we met.

What I mean is, maybe it's that she's just more beautiful to me now than before.  Maybe it's just that I see her better.  Appreciate her more.  I don't know.  My perspective is the truth to me.

I love you my darling.  Happy Birthday.  Thanks for sharing it with me.  Next year, let's drive to the Grand Canyon.  We can make it!

Happy to be home,

Homemaker Man

Gratuitous pic of Sebago Lake because it's just so damn pretty.


  1. Glad you had a sweet vacation. The minute you mentioned DETOUR and TOddlers... I knew it would not end up well :)

    Happy Birthday to your better half!

    I need to go on vacay.

  2. Good times. But, 7 hrs??? I would have pitched a fit too. Every year we take a trip to Orlando for my daughters gymnastics. The last time we took it we had me, my wife, my 11-year old, my 4-year old , my 20-month old and my parents all in one vehicle. It was over 11-hours there and 12 back. So I completely understand the travel poopoo and peepee fits. (And that was just my parents.)

  3. You were 3 miles away from me when you were at Old Orchard Beach! Aren't pier fries the best?? Sorry it was so tough with the little ones, but glad you got a little taste of my part of Maine!

  4. Glad to hear you had a good weekend. We left Maine to go to RI, so missed the tornado 30 miles away(thank goodness) and the heavy downpour.

  5. Joyeux Anniversaire to Mrs. Homemaker Man!!

  6. Good work on once again making poo funny... Not so good work on the 7-hour trip with kids perhaps, but your heart's in the right place.
    Metaphorically, at least. Your real heart could be in your buttocks for all I know... Happy Birthday to the other half.

  7. Welcome back and happy birthday, Mrs. Homemaker.

    As to the kids, meh.

  8. Welcome home. Glad you had a good trip fir the most part. :) Happy birthday to the wifey!

  9. What a beautiful post! :)


  10. So happy for you...beautiful view!
    It's official, you must include more pics in your posts! ...just saying~

  11. Happy Birthday HomeMaker Mom! And we would NEVER attempt to take Lukas on such a long drive. Glad you survived, I can only imagine the stories you left out.

  12. I am still stuck on the Mother-Daughter wrestling match....seriously....I live in AZ and we have nothing like that! How hysterical would that be to watch.

  13. ***Happy Birthday Tumbleweed!!!***

    I made my husband drive home from our trip my mom's in September. After three hours of consecutive screaming from at least three children at any given time, I might have driven off a bridge, my husband either can't hear, or tunes it out better. The jury is still out on the decision.

  14. Oh, it makes me giggle to see a young dad learning the hard way about road trips with toddlers. Heh, just kidding. Sort of. If I had to learn the hard way, others should too. Except I had four (ages 1-5).

    Happy birthday to your lovely bride. She is lucky to have a man who's not afraid to show how much he appreciates his life, his kids, and the woman he loves.

    Congrats to you both.

  15. Ahh yes, the infamous family road trip. Reminds me of the one we took with just one kid last summer and makes me dread the one we are going to have to make this fall with two.


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