In the spirit of observational humor type jokes, I've posted three shortish observations. Here goes nothin':
#1: Middle age. Did you ever notice people call themselves middle-aged for a long time? Into their 50's anyway. I hate to be the bearer of bad news (not really) but Horse shit. Figure it like this: The average life expectancy in the US is at an all time high of 78. 76 for men and 80 for women. Half of 78 is . . . (getting calculator . . . hitting multiply by mistake, fuck . . .) is 39. That means, using Newton's Laww of Give or Take, middle aged is really between say, 36 and 42. After that it is a loooong, slow, unnatural, fight against evolution, Mother Nature, and God. If you're disagreeing, think of it like this: If you applied the same logic to middle school, in 8th grade you'd be getting your master's.
Addendum: Those numbers are really for white people. For black men especially, middle age starts around . . . NOW.
Also interestingly, the U.S. is 38th in the world in Life expectancy. Behind Costa Rica, Chile, and Cuba. We loves us some white bread.
And we're just ahead of Portugal at 39 and Slovenia at 40. We're in the neighborhood of Slovenia. What is the deal with that?
2. Have you seen the Chrysler town and country ad (linked here because I couldn't find it on you tube. Middle of the page.)?
The one in black and white where the whole world goes slow-motion and little children all stare, slack-jawed and drooling, as the new Town and Country mini van drives by. Two things: First, I'm pretty sure all those kids were slo-mo thinking was, "dooouuucchhee- baaaaag." Second: From the way it was shot it looks like the advertisers were big fans of old, scary, WW3 nuclear holocaust preparedness films. The Chrysler town and country mini van: Now with Mutant repellant! Get under your desks kids, the Town and Country is gonna blow!
3. I enjoy the tv show House. But what is with the surgeon-he goes by the name Chase-on that show? Apparently, his talent as a surgeon is unsurpassed. I can conclude that because I've seen him do surgeries in at least 8 different specialties. Vascular, Cardiac, brain, orthopedic. Doesn't matter what ails you, you come on in and Chase will carve you up. I think if I were having surgery, I'd pass on the jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none dude for the specialized surgeon, but that's just me.
Must have been quite the internship he went through. By my calculations, which I arrived at through guessing, he would have to be at least 55 to have mastered all those specialties. That'd make him like, middle-aged.
#1: Middle age. Did you ever notice people call themselves middle-aged for a long time? Into their 50's anyway. I hate to be the bearer of bad news (not really) but Horse shit. Figure it like this: The average life expectancy in the US is at an all time high of 78. 76 for men and 80 for women. Half of 78 is . . . (getting calculator . . . hitting multiply by mistake, fuck . . .) is 39. That means, using Newton's Laww of Give or Take, middle aged is really between say, 36 and 42. After that it is a loooong, slow, unnatural, fight against evolution, Mother Nature, and God. If you're disagreeing, think of it like this: If you applied the same logic to middle school, in 8th grade you'd be getting your master's.
Addendum: Those numbers are really for white people. For black men especially, middle age starts around . . . NOW.
Also interestingly, the U.S. is 38th in the world in Life expectancy. Behind Costa Rica, Chile, and Cuba. We loves us some white bread.
And we're just ahead of Portugal at 39 and Slovenia at 40. We're in the neighborhood of Slovenia. What is the deal with that?
2. Have you seen the Chrysler town and country ad (linked here because I couldn't find it on you tube. Middle of the page.)?
The one in black and white where the whole world goes slow-motion and little children all stare, slack-jawed and drooling, as the new Town and Country mini van drives by. Two things: First, I'm pretty sure all those kids were slo-mo thinking was, "dooouuucchhee- baaaaag." Second: From the way it was shot it looks like the advertisers were big fans of old, scary, WW3 nuclear holocaust preparedness films. The Chrysler town and country mini van: Now with Mutant repellant! Get under your desks kids, the Town and Country is gonna blow!
3. I enjoy the tv show House. But what is with the surgeon-he goes by the name Chase-on that show? Apparently, his talent as a surgeon is unsurpassed. I can conclude that because I've seen him do surgeries in at least 8 different specialties. Vascular, Cardiac, brain, orthopedic. Doesn't matter what ails you, you come on in and Chase will carve you up. I think if I were having surgery, I'd pass on the jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none dude for the specialized surgeon, but that's just me.
Must have been quite the internship he went through. By my calculations, which I arrived at through guessing, he would have to be at least 55 to have mastered all those specialties. That'd make him like, middle-aged.
Okay H.M., I'm on the cusp of middle age, and when I hit it, I'll be leaving it sooner than I had hoped and started my not so slow decline...and Robert DeNiro is short. Are there any more of my hopes and dreams that you would like to ruthlessly crush?
ReplyDeleteKidding...just kidding. :P
Also, my kids, when we test drove a minivan? The oldest three refused to put on seat belts and sat on the floorboard to avoid recognition. It makes me wonder if any of the Ad folks who worked on that campaign had children.
LOL ~where can one buy the mutant repellent...Home Depot?! Anyway, perhaps I'm still stuck in my sweet sixteen!oooh miss that MTV show!!
ReplyDeletelol .... douche bag. You know, when we had the first baby I started using the word "dude bag" It's kind of like the same thing.
ReplyDeleteActually, this post would've held its own this round. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteDoooouuuche Baaaaag.
Exactly.