First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Maybe the last haiku Sunday and a new gimmick or two

I am leaving my post as the Zamboni Killer.  School is starting soon and I need my sundays for homework and family time or some shit like that.  Either this week or next will be my last.  I will attempt to ride off into the sunset on my trusty Zamboni, but that will entail me committing a combination of between 4 and 27 misdemeanors and felonies.  Should be fun.

I will be starting a new feature called Scary Sushi Sundays.  This will be where I buy and consume sushi from places that seem like frightening ideas where sushi is concerned.  This will probably be twice a month tops rather than weekly.  For the sake of my health.  My plan is to go until I encounter explosive diarrhea.

My wife  is in on this too, against her will.  She at least has to take a bite.  I am being reasonable about it.  Like, if I happen to pick up some fatty tuna from a gas station in Tulsa, she gets a pass.  Otherwise, it's like the marriage vows say,  til death do us part.  Or explosive diarrhea.

So far I have tried the local supermarket:  Surprisingly delicious and cheap.  A local corner market/butcher shop.  These were very bad.  And cheap.  I tried the california roll because the only other choice was spicy salmon and that shit looked crusty.

The rice was sticky sweet, reminiscent of rice pudding, and the ingredients inside were huge chunks of avocado and carrot and imitation crab meat.  Instead of the usual sushi technician, an expert craftsmen with a sharp knife, it looked like they just had WWE superstar Triple H rend the ingredients with his bare hands.  Which is also what they tasted like.  Sweaty wrestler hands.





But no tummy trouble.

Tonight, I tried mall sushi.  Red Snapper and Tuna.  Nothing to report.  Fairly decent.  Sorry for the let down.  I promise some stomach cramps in the near future.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I found out something about myself.  I enjoy O magazine, but not the show.  How can that be?  I'm confused.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wind bludgeons, snow, drifts.
Folks trudge, face down, heavy legged.
lets play some hockey.

8 comments:

  1. Mall sushi is good, grocery store sushi is okay, if you should ever really find sushi at a gas station...draw the line.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are a very brave man. I can't wait until you shit yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ^ ^
    That's probably the best comment I've ever seen... I second it, for purely scientific reasons, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Viv-I've drawn the line. It's completely arbitrary and it's in my head and I've already crossed it.

    Candice-Thank you. Me neither!

    Paul-Of course. What other reasons are there to shit yourself? Art? Only sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'll have the hospital prepped for Mercury Poisoning Mondays.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I too enjoy grocery store sushi. It's cheaper than a restaurant (sometimes it feels like barely) and it's easier than making your own.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It turns out we do too. And the local supermarket, Market Basket, has really good prices. At least compared to the sushi joints in the city. 8 maki rolls for 5 or 6 bucks

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just wanted to let you know there is an award waiting for you over at my blog! You are my favorite male blogger, and I wanted to show you some love!!! :) I know you're a busy homemaker man, so dont feel obligated to play along, ;) just feel honored! :))

    ReplyDelete

Blog Rankings

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings