First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Homemaker Man 1/2 Hour Dance Hour in Full Effect

It's time to get this place moving people.  Everyone around here is lazy and slothful and fat.  And by everyone, I mean me and two of the cats.

Today we instituted the Homemaker Man 1/2 hour Dance Hour.

 I put on Off The Wall and Shook It til It Broke.
All over the living room like a giant egg yoke.

Gross, y'all.

Picture if you will, a man moving with the comic abandon of Robin Williams in The Birdcage (Twyla, Twyla, Twyla . . .)  and the desperate, corn-fed, clumsiness of Elizabeth Berkely in Showgirls.  With better tits.

My children alternated between being swept up in the enthusiasm and abject disgust.  Didn't know a one year old had that in him, but he does.  I've also gotten a nice glimpse of my daughter's future teen, "OMG Dad, what is wrong with you?!" face.

Still, at times my cheerful flabby flailing (like a sea cow at a rave, maybe?  That image do anything for anyone?) managed to induce definite dance like movements.  When they didn't have their backs turned to me, pretending to read.

Nice try.  I KNOW you mutha fuckahs can't read.  I mean, the Peanut has a good number of sight words, but ThE Waste Land?  Yeah, right.  I can't read that shit and I'm at nearly a 12th grade reading level

All in all, I feel much better than I thought I would.  The endorphins are pumping, my energy level is up and my bod . . . oops.   My groin just fell out.


(long) Windedly,

Homemaker Man

P.S.  I don't own a lot of good dance music, so if any one has suggestions, I welcome them.   Stuff we (I) can sing along with at the same time would be much appreciated.

12 comments:

  1. Waste land...lol. And get yourself some early Beatles. Any Beatles, really.

    ReplyDelete
  2. At the moment, I am running to, Crazy Bitch, Ain't No Rest For the Wicked, Rock Star, and Calle Ocho, which bring me to the end of my tortuous mile. Not sure if any of that is very kid friendly though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What is a groin, anyway?

    Early disco - I hate to admit it, but it gets ya moving.

    ReplyDelete
  4. BAHHHA HA HA HA!!!!

    :) Best post yet! I laughed out loud in my office. Several people gave me weird looks. :) I didn't think saying " sea cow at a rave" would be appropriate to say outloud while my boss was on the phone!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Abba: kid friendly and I think it would go perfectly with your dance style. I'm picturing a little sashé and flailing to Fernando. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the suggestions everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know that song, "she is a maniac" from the flashdance movie~ wooh tha's classic!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Like a sea cow at a rave"

    Where in the hell do you come up with this shit? It's seriously funny, but still. ;)

    As for the song? I recommend face down ass up by 2 live crew. Now go and shake that ass!

    ReplyDelete
  9. The kids and I love to dance. The 3 extra I babysit, and I--read 5 kids, 1 year old to 9 years old, used to dance every morning (mean Mom/Auntie doesn't let them watch TV during the morning) We'd dance to the Tarzan Soundtrack, or more exciting Don Henley's Greatest Hits...the kids loved that one!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes, "seacow at a rave" was an excellent metaphor, I agree!

    ReplyDelete
  11. They didn't dance with you? My god, my daughter will dance the whole freaking day if she could. The other one demands to be carried like some little empress...(to you beat mind you).

    I play electronic music, and world music.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great idea!! I'll make you a mix which may or may not include some Neil Diamond!!

    ReplyDelete

Blog Rankings

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings