First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Pediatrician appointment? Fun.

It was check-up time for the Pumpkin Man on Thursday. Turns out he's riddled with STD's. Handsome bastard.

We also needed to go get him a final hep b shot and a flu shot and his regular exam. We dread these things because the Peanut has always seen our Ped. in shall we say an adversarial light. Every time the poor women (a fantastic doc) came near her, the Peanut would give her most intimidating and creepy death stare. There is nothing that says cute baby like one who can pull off a seriously nasty fuck you look. It's much like you're a bug and her choices are stomp or dissect.

She would give this look to the doctor just for shits and giggles sometimes, never mind if she was getting a shot or having a full exam.

The P man is a lot different though. He is a smiling, charismatic son-of-a-bitch. The doctor came at him and checked his ears and he was all smiles. She looked at his eyes and his eyes grinned right back. She opened his diaper, and he laughed like he was saying "Sure doc, go ahead, check out my dick. Whatever. You ever seen one like that before? Me neither! It's all good. Don't forget the balls." And on the rest of the exam went in that manner.

Until she got to his throat and teeth. Then he started fighting. He fought worse, in fact, than my wife did on our first date when I attempted to "seduce" her with a horse tranquilizer. True love always wins in the end though. That, a dart gun, and a black cloth bag. But I digress.

He flipped out for the throat check and then he took the shots pretty much as you would expect, like a lil baby (biatch).

The really weird part though is that the peanut got her flu shot, and she was awesome. Smiley and polite to the doctor and when the shot came, she took it like a man. She was totally "Please sir, can I have another?" about it. Then she did 20 one armed push-ups, drank a fifth of Jack, and slapped me in my face for being soft. We were very proud.

At the very least, she only cried for like 2 seconds, ate her lollipop, and actually thanked the dr. for her Pooh sticker and red crayon band-aid.

So the tally is one tough chick to go with one charming pretty boy .

And one lucky and flummoxed Homemaker Man

1 comment:

  1. I have ZERO followers, other than people who love me whether I write or not. So, as a result, I have ZERO sympathy for you when you lament the lack of attention this post is getting. Suck it, Daddy.

    P.S. Stop reading over my shoulder and trying to hit delete, dillhole


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