First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Friday, March 12, 2010


I think a lot about what it will be like to be a father to two teenagers.  Mostly, I scheme.  I plan for the day when it's either break them, or be broken.  Them or us.  A deadly fight for survival.  I'm not psyched about the teen years.   Or at least, I wasn't.

As it turns out, the latest research about the teen brain tells us two important things.  One, their pre-frontal cortex, where the rational decision making center resides, is incomplete.  And while it's completing itself, it is woefully slow and confused.  Two, the limbic system, where things like fear and intense rage and crazy lust reside, is firing like a Ford Focus on rocket fuel.   Some child psychiatrists have said that technically, teens are mentally ill.

I hear you. "Tell us something we don't know."  Here's the thing though:  There is now scientific proof.  We've got them.  Irrefutable evidence of their insanity.  When we argue with them we no longer have to tell say things like, "because I'm your dad and I know better," or "because I said so."

Now we can go to the brain scan for back-up:

Me: "What?" Why can’t you do that?  Because you’re crazy.  It’s all right here in this mutha fuckin’ brain scan, son!"

Stop calling me “son,” I’m your daughter.

Me: "It’s a figure of speech, son!"

The ultimate weapon.  The teen brain scan.  "Why do you have to be home by 9?  Because your brain scan says so.  Why can’t you go to a co-ed sleep over?  Because you’re legally insane. You’re old enough to make your own decisions?  Well that’s funny, because you’re brain scan here says you’ve got the decision making ability of an angry bear.  What do we do with angry bears?  Tranq’em, tag'em and track their movements 24/7.  Hey it’s not my decision, it’s your limbic system and your pre-frontal cortex.  Check out the brain scan, son!"

Here and Here are links to support my claims.  If you didn't know this stuff already, read them.  It causes a real "aha!" moment

This post brought to you by Fatherhood Friday at .

Reaching out and trying to help,

Homemaker Man


  1. Hey, that's a much better solution than just selling them...

  2. My pre-frontal cortex is still incomplete at 33, son.

  3. Having 3 twenty-somethings and two teens in the, I wish I could so say that to them!! Too funny and too dang true!

  4. That was hysterical. It also explains a lot of what happened in our house when my guys were teens! Thankfully, they are both now in their late thirties, not incarcerated, are financeally successful, married, and Dads. I look forward to when their kids are teens! lol

  5. Well, it's nice to have verified research to support what has, until now, been a reasonably obvious theory.

  6. A Ford Focus on rocket fuel. ROFLMAO and priceless!

    Yes, you have much to look forward to, grasshopper. And you will get no special awards, should you survive it.

    Except for your offspring's eventual spawn. Payback -- that will be your reward.

  7. i couldn't help but to LAOTFWMHIMP when i read the "decision making ability of an angry bear."

    yea, i hates me some teenagers.

    try identical twin girls for scary teens.


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