First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Addicted

So, I am drinking a little Gordon's Gin and diet Pepsi tonight, folks.  Don't look at me aghast (aghastly? with aghastness?).  I included a wedge of lime.  With the Red Wine party  the other night and this, that makes a total of two drinking occasions in the last 6 months or so.  I blame it on this blogging every day crap.

Now, this may somewhat alarm my wife.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but we both come from sets of parents who think Iggy Pop and Keith Richards are total pussies.   They would handle Amy Winehouse's troubles by giving her a case of beer and some 'ludes so she could go some where and mellow out.  And if anyone still knows where to get 'ludes, its our parents.

I am not worried about becoming an alcoholic because I have worked hard to become squeaky clean and respectable and a true practitioner of moderation.  If it comes to it, I'll cut and paste wikipedia articles on the various species of edible tubers in the Northeast United states and the tribes that were originally responsible for cultivating them.  Which I think is a wikipedia category I just made up.  Sounds boring, though.

We went to breakfast at IHOP this morning. You know, for the veterans.  The closest IHOP is in Revere, MA, which is a city famous for it's polluted beaches, mullets, and Costco sized strip club.

So. going to this IHOP was very good for my body image.

I have avoided the pitfalls of drug and alcohol addiction, but i'll mainline a nice piece of cake.  Just today, there was a last piece of cake in the fridge and I asked my wife if she wanted to split it.  She said, "no, on the last piece the frosting was starting to taste kind of funny.  You didn't notice that?"

And I had.  It definitely tasted kind of refrigeratory.  But who am I to allow some frosting that tastes faintly of celery, onions, and beef stew to keep me from preventing the wasting of good food in this economy?  Yeah, I ate it.  It was delicious.  Like dessert and dinner in one cake.

But at this IHOP, folks were looking like they would've eaten the cake, washed it down with the past date milk, and then wiped their mouths with a dirty baby wipe.  I felt positively svelte.

On the kid front, the Peanut ate very well.  After beseeching us because she needed a waffle, she proceeded to eat half of a huge belgian one with syrup.  And The Pumpkin man ate before we left, so he just chewed on small chunks of pancake while coming up with inappropriate definitions for IHOP.  "Inconceivably Horrible Old Penises, daddy!  Daddy, I Hate Old Popes, daddy!  India Has Over Population daddy!


That last part may not have happened.


Tiredly,

Homemaker Man

P.S.  Happy Veteran's day and I hope that I can wish those that are fighting now the same thing next year.  Come home soon.

HM

2 comments:

  1. Hi Homemaker Man!

    Happy belated Veteran's Day! I used to go to IHOP with my family but we may want to keep in mind that the company has been exposed for food safety issues and animal cruelty in its supply chain. For more details, please check out: www.humanesociety.org/ihop

    Just want to inform you about this!

    I appreciate your reading my reply. Thank you!

    Sincerely,

    Emily J. Spivak

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, Emily J. Spivak. I can't access your profile, so I have to thank you here. We try to eat organic and free range when we can, so I will keep that stuff in mind, though that is actually the first IHOP I've been too in years.

    Did I just get hippie-spammed?

    ReplyDelete

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