I love vampires. Ever since I was a little kid. Long before they became trendy. And never in a get all gothed up and tell people I'm an "energy vampire ." Those people actually exist. They're called kids. Zing. Take that you sleeping peacefully, innocent fuckers.
Anyway, I've loved vampires since I was little. When I was 8 years old, I cut off all-I mean all- my bangs in an attempt to give my self a widow's peak like Dracula. That look with a dutch boy haircut and missing teeth is pretty sweet. A few years later, I read Salem's Lot. After the scene where the protagonist blesses a bunch of homemade crosses with the Lord's Prayer, I did the same thing. Put them up all over the place.
I'm my generation's Van Helsing.
This movie though. They don't go out in the sun because their skin sparkles? It could at least smoke or crackle or smell like bacon or something. I know, it's aimed toward teenage girls. Still. And honestly, the two main characters who are supposed to be in love forever? Between the two of them, they have all the sexual tension of a pair of raisins.
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In addition to all of the other things we need: New boots, renewed car insurance, front brakes, new tires, a shave (that last one mostly applies to me), we need a new TV.
Every time we watch Project Runway this season, there will come a moment when someone will say something like, "I love that color. What an amazing blue." And we'll say, "No shit? That's blue?"
I do watch Project Runway. You've got Heidi Klum-Seal's fabulous teutonic pronounciations. "I weally like that dwess. It's tewiffic." And, she's Heidi Klum. The designers are insanely talented, and if I could pick my own dad, Tim Gunn in a heart beat.
The crazy thing is that we've seen practically every season, and I still have no idea what couture is. I think it has something to do with hats.
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Haiku
Class warfare on ice.
Wealthy kids don't advertise
Poor? Chico's Bail Bonds
Matthauingly,
Homemaker Man
We bought a new tv last year. My then two year old found a long abandoned poker in our fireplace, and threw it javelin style through the tv screen. Sort of moved it to the top of the list.
ReplyDeleteTwilight isn't a vampire story, it's a teen girl love story. Which, as a girl myself, I never understood. That whole "forbidden love" thing passed me by. Thank goodness...
ReplyDeleteSo...you were trying to make yourself look like Eddie Muenster?
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ReplyDeleteViv-While I know that was depressing when it happens, it sounds like it looked awesome.
ReplyDeleteS.C.I know. I'm just fussy and pedantic about vampires. Actually, I was going for the O.G. Bela Legosi.