First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Friday, June 18, 2010

Fatherhood Friday

Today is Fatherhood Friday over at  I feel this weekend's Fatherhood Friday is particularly important due to it's proximity to another special day.  Sunday, June 20th.  A day important to all Fathers.

For that is the day that Bob Vila was born.  That asshole. It's not enough that merely due to my gender, I'm supposed to be "handy"  and be able to "fix things" or "know what a hammer looks like."

Bob "I'm a house-buildin' douche-bag"* Vila  comes along a few decades ago and becomes the father of home improvement television.

Now, every time I turn on the tv, I'm reminded of the fact that when it comes to home repair, I have the same motor functions as my 18 month old son.  You should see the two of us competing over who can jam the square into the toy shape box first.  He cheats.  And initially, I thought it was the star.

This relates to Father's day for me thusly:  Most men who are competent with tools get that knowledge from their dads.  My dad is a musician.  So it's not that he's not handy necessarily, it's just that he needed his hands for more important things.  Like passing around a joint.  Zing!  Take that, musicians.  With your "improving of the human condition through art."  Whatever.  Most of you get it into it for the chicks.

Father's day between my father and I was always a little weird.  He's one of those "Father's day is just a hallmark holiday" type guys,  Which is fine, but it is a little tough to hear when you're nine.

"Oh really dad?  I had to save my allowance for weeks to buy you that gift, so how about you take a big drink out of that industrial-sized Brut* and go fuck yourself."  Was kind of how I felt about it as I hit my late teens.

To his credit however, the guy actually wore the crap.  Then again, it is possible that he was just that cheap.  

I don't want this to be whine-fest about my father.  As it so happens, he has turned out to be a very loving and reasonable grandfather.  For which I am very grateful.  Highly annoyed and flabbergasted, but still, very grateful.  Every time he visits the kids, it causes three days of me shaking my head and mumbling, "who the fuck was that?  That is not . . . I mean, the kids love him!  He loves them?!  Who the fuck was that?"

Which, all things considered, is a pretty good feeling.  So, Father's Day gift to my father this year:  Thanks dad.  Thanks for coming through for your grandkids.  It is the best thing you've ever done for me and I can't tell you how relieved I am.  Confused and annoyed, but relieved.  And thankful.

Other order of dad's day business:  My brother-in-law, a cop who I love to little "tough-guy exterior with a heart of marshmallow" pieces,  has a 4 1/2 month old daughter.  We talked about Father's Day and he pushed out that "Hallmark Holiday" line too.  He's probably right.  Lord knows, I've felt that way in the past.

I just don't see it that way anymore.  To me, Mother's and Father's days are days where you have a chance to remember and celebrate the importance of your family.  And it's a chance for your kids to remember to honor their parents.  Which is important.  As long as the parents in question aren't a pair of genital warts on the balls of society.  It happens.

I realize as well, if I were at odds with my family, or I didn't have one, it'd just be another day of the year where a vodka tonic before noon was considered a light brunch.

But I'm lucky.  Crazy lucky.*  So we celebrate.  Not with expensive gifts.  An Iphone for Father's day seems ridiculous and power tools are obviously out of the question.

"Hey, a new drill.  Now I can put all those extra holes in the dog.  She really needs them."

This year, my family planted me an herb garden in our back yard.  It's awesome.  They planted it a while ago so it'd be ready for use by now.  I've already cooked with the fresh herbs.

Other than that, I'm going to get to sleep-in and go out for breakfast on Sunday.

Like I said, I'm insanely, ridiculously lucky.

Thank you guys, I love you.

And Happy Father's day to all you other dad-types out there.  I hope it brings you some joy. Or at least the chance to sleep-in.  Which really, is the best gift of all.

Homemaker Man

This post brought to you by Fatherhood Friday at

* Actual christian name

*By Faberge

*Actually "got lucky" last night.


  1. As a guy who learned mechanical stuff from my dad, but had totally musically inept parents, I sometimes wish I had more musical parents. Since your dad didn't teach you how to be manly through mechanics, did he teach you how to be manly through music?

    Have a happy Father's Day!

  2. I learned to fix things from my Dad. Hubby did not. We compensate.

  3. Poignant. Very poignant. Brought me to my knees with laughter.

    My dad was the expert in everything except child rearing. I forgave him that long before he died. I still miss him when I'm twittapated about something needing fixing and I know my husband is going to make an unholy mess out of the job. I also miss his hugs. No one hugged quite like my dad.

  4. My dad wasn't really around much when I was growing up, but all is forgiven...errr I think?!
    Wishing you a happy Father's Day!!! Enjoy!

  5. Happy Pop's Day to you. I'll be spending this Sunday with my pops, who was the master improvisor and taught me to use tools and generally fix stuff cuz he put Handy in the dictionary. But I do like to pawn the need for handiwork off to the guys sometimes (hey, I can't do EVERYTHING). Plus when I do stuff like that, the guys always say, "Why didn't you have ME do that?" As if I didn't trust their handiwork.

    Oh, and my dad was a musician too. Sadly I didn't get that gene from him.

  6. Great tribute. And funny too. Happy Father's Day Homemaker Man.

  7. Great post! I'm diggin the "genital warts on the balls of society." line.

    Happy Father's Day!

  8. You are too funny! I hope you have a Happy Hallmark Day tomorrow.

  9. I met Bob V at a habit for humanity build. He is not as talented as you think. At least when it comes to shotgunning Pabst.

  10. My husband can't do anything handy either. Like anything at all. It's sad and funny at the same time.

    Hope you had a great day*

    *"got lucky again"

  11. Funny as always. Hope you had a great Father's Day.

  12. Well, My husband isn't big on Holidays, but he is okay with the kids pampering on Father's Day because he loves being a father.

    I'm glad your Dad stepped it up as a grandparent... My husbands father is and or was the same way... he is always a bit confuse and surprised when his dad does something for his grandkids that he never would have done for his own kids.

  13. My dad is pretty handy and he didn't teach me shit. Not for lack of trying, mind you. I just had better things to do than pay attention. I'm like that.

  14. Isn't it annoying when all the issues you had with your dad become somewhat irrelevant because he's turned into a great grandfather?! Seriously. Glad I'm not the only one.


Blog Rankings

Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings
Dad Blogs
Fatherhood Friday at Dad Blogs