First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Weird, Non-Sequitur Post

This post is pretty weird today folks.  It has absolutely nothing to do with parenthood or anything like that.  And, it's weird.  Did I mention that?  I just have no where else to put stuff like this.  Thanks for indulging my self-indulgence.  Anyhow, here it is:


So I’m settin’ there, watching a multi-vortex tornado on the Weather Channel.  She’s really shreddin’ things to shit.  Great twisted trees, new cars, old homes, all tossed in the craziest salad you ever seen.  She’s doin’ it with relish, too.  Diggin’ her windy fingers in and rending the world.  She's passionate about her work.  So I’m just really gettin’ settled in to watch-- got m’beer-- when my nephew comes running in from outside hollering his fool head off “Holy Smokes! Uncle, we got a full-blown multi-vortex tornado comin’ this way! “

“I know, “ I says “Cain’tcha see I’m watchin’ it on the tv right here?” 

“Well shouldn’t we do something, Unc?  Lets get to the cellar!” He’s all worked up.

“Cellar washed out in that flood two years ago.  Now if yer just gonna stand there dancin’ like a kid that has to pee, make yourself useful’n get some popcorn.” I say.

He picks his jaw up off the floor after a couple a seconds n’ runs into the parlor hollerin' something about open windows and sturdy doorways.  He’s got himself all confused between tornadoes and earthquakes now.  Not the hottest coal on the fire.  Cain’t believe he doesn’t remember the flood. He spent 35 minutes runnin’ around with a straw tryin’ to convince us to drink our way to safety. 

Course, if he’da taken that tornado prep’ration class with me, he might have a cooler head.  Learnt me quite a bit about tornadoes.  Includin’ what to do if they decide to drop by uninvited.  This here old girl shows up on my front door, we’re gonna have words.  And maybe a dance, if I’m lucky.  Fer now though, I’ll just set here’n watch her.  Learn her nature.  Get a handle on her ways.  

Yep, that was a heck of a class. 

Whoops.  There goes the Wilson’s Harvester.  She's greedy.  Where’s that damn nephew of mine with the popcorn?  


Ok, that's it for the weird stuff this week.  Back to the good family stuff soon.  Thanks for indulging me


  1. Your mind works in mysterious ways HM.

  2. hmmm oddly fascinating. I kind of liked it!

  3. Well, that was different. And, as Brittany said, oddly fascinating.
    It's the kind of thing that might wander through one's mind while performing some mundane household chore, amusing and distracting, but rarely caught on paper. Good job.

  4. Maybe if the nursing thing doesn't work out you could write novels! Bravo. And when those people (or any others) come to roost in your head, feel free to let them out on your blog, it's a treat for the rest of us.

  5. Uhhh... What??? I mean... what????

  6. I second the "oddly fascinating", "insane", and "different". :)

  7. Step away from the little white pills HM, or you'll be off to Oz soon enough.

  8. Um.... I'm lost. Are you really a redneck in disguise?

  9. I'm lost. We have tornados all the time in Arkansas so I was slightly afraid while being lost. Mostly though I was entertained.

  10. Dude! That was awesome. I, for one, dig your weird.


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