First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Breaking the Winger Paradigm: Part 1

She's Only Seventeen
Her Dad says she's too young
But She's old enough for me

A gentleman named Kip Winger sang those words approximately 22 years ago. It is a terrible song. I liked it well enough when it first came out. My friends and I would sing it at the top of our lungs in the kitchen of the busy breakfast joint where we worked. Sing and dance and high-five and revel in the message. Of course, we were only 14 at the time. We had no real understanding of the lyrics and even less of irony. We just sang and blissfully absorbed and re-interpreted the song's sleazy dogma.

We were like, "She's only seventeen? That's awesome! I'd love to do a senior!" And by "Do" we meant . . . we didn't really know.

We didn't know any better. It was the 80's. It was the 80's and W's were wild. Winger, Warrant, Whitesnake, and White Lion. The Four Whoresman of 80's Wrock. "Who would win in a fight?" we might argue. "Whitesnake or White Lion? Well, that depends, what kind of snake is Whitesnake ?" Of course I just realized while writing this that it's probably a penis. So, fight to the White Lion, I guess.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Flash forward to now. I no longer sing that song. Un-ironically anyway. Now I have a 2 year-old daughter.
Now, that song can wake me from a dead sleep in the middle of the night, sit me bolt upright, sweating and mewling.

Me: "Mmmewwwwwrrrl. Whimper."

My wife: "Are you alright honey?"

Me: " Naaahhrrrrmm"

My wife: "The Winger dream again." She says, not unkindly.

And all I can do is shiver and sob as she reaches over to sooth me.

But, I have a solution. A way to prevent my daughter from falling prey to the Winger paradigm. Without yelling, threats, invading her privacy, punishment, or otherwise damaging our relationship. That will be part 2.

And for your . . . edification, the video Seventeen, By Kip Winger


  1. Just found your blog, you are very, very funny! Looking forward to Part 2, my husband's solution involves distant relatives in third world countries, so I am eager for suggestions.

  2. Viv-Thanks very much! I hope I can help ease your husband's mind

    Candace-Did you post this from your new phone? Show-off.


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