First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Monday, November 30, 2009

(Not so) Short Post 3. the end.

My daughter, who is a tiny, red-haired, pixie of a little girl was impotent with rage yesterday.  She has a pretty good vocabulary so she is usually able to express why she's angry.  Donuts instead of supper, playground instead of nap, love instead of money.  The usual.

Yesterday, she was standing and "reading" the funnies and she decided she was done.  So she turned and threw the paper over her shoulder and danced toward her toys.  That is when the pumpkin man struck.  Springing in to action he scrabbled to the fallen funnies and began the ritual mauling.   She heard the paper wrinkle, turned, and attacked.  Flew at him like an enraged humming bird.

My wife said, "Hey _____ What's wrong?"

"He touched it , he touched it!'  She sobbed with rage.

"You were done with it, honey."  said my wife.

"Yeeeewwarrrgghhhh!"   She replied. She snatched the paper up off of the floor.  Her brother had dropped it because his sister's tortured screams were way cooler.  In his eyes, everything she does is way cooler.

She then began ripping and tearing and destroying the paper all while keeping up with the red skin and gritted teeth and frustrated growls.   I think if she could've been articulate at that moment we would've heard something like, "You want this paper? I've(rip rip)Got(Tear tear) Your Fucking(wrinkle, crinkle) Paper.(beep beep?) Right(ahooogah)HERE!

I knelt down and took her tiny little fists in my hands and asked her why she was doing this and told her to stop.  She didn't stop or answer and she continued to destroy the paper.  If she had known how head butts work I'd probably be homemaker-nose-mashed-up-into-his-brain-man now.

I feel for the pumpkin man.  That was just because he touched it and we didn't understand the level of defilement that his hands leave behind.  It was so weird because she usually tries pretty hard to at least tell us she's getting pissed at him playing with her toys before she attempts to take his head off with her shopping cart.

I just hope she never becomes that possessive of the cats.  Messy.

This post should guarantee my having fulfilled the posting requirements for NaBloPoMo.  I'm glad it's over.  I will probably take the day off with the possible exception of listing the 3 or 4 posts I liked the most this month.  As a little reward to myself.   Unless something really good happens.  I have to admit I'm kind of proud of myself.

And hi to new readers.  Thanks for reading and commenting and so forth.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Like Bourbon.


Homemaker Man


  1. I'm proud of you and everyone else who did NaBloPoMo. There was a time when I might have been able to pull off a daily post (it seems to have been when I had one less child, hmmm...) but right now just the thought makes me shudder.

    We get that same green eyed monster around here. Just tonight we had a major tantrum because the 6 month old 'kicked' my 3 year old. *sigh*

  2. It's new for us. She was nothing but sweet toward him until around a month ago.

  3. "Messy." Ha!

    And, yes, I've always thought of myself as being a lot like bourbon...

  4. If you don't get rid of that irritating comment verification (who do you think you are, Pioneer Woman?), I'm gonna tell your little girl that her brother touched your blog.

  5. I have no idea what you're talking about. I will look into it though. I am a luddite. Much like a pioneer woman.

  6. S.C. made me get rid of my word verification thing too. Bossy, isn't she? Must be a survival skill if you have 6 kids... ;) Another reason to get rid of it? It really doesn't stop spam, especially not hippie spam.

  7. On your previous post you wrote about your wife's illness. I was sorry to hear that and hope she gets better really soon.
    That is the reason I came by.
    Thank you for visiting my blog. I'll come back again to link myself as a follower.

  8. I'm following you now. Any blog involving kids, cats, craziness, and bourbon is okay by me!

  9. You too funny!
    i wonder being a red hair = fiery!
    Anyway,Bourbon is about right at this time...I need the warmth in me, errr sorry that doesn't sound right but you know what I mean! It's getting colder each day here...
    Great evening Homemaker Man!

  10. OMG !!! I can relate ____!!!! What is it about younger siblings ruining things!!? I used to feel the same way, but then again, when I touch things, I feel like I ruin them, so it's got to be that weird OCD thing kicking in... ha ha jealously starts at a young age, though...


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