First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Friday, November 20, 2009

H1N1: O the humanity.

note the small print.  Mexican Swine Flu.  Take that, minutemen .

I took the kids to get shots today.  Drove 45 minutes.   Wife teaches high school.  Teenagers are filthy.

We got there first.  7:30a.m.  Clinic opened at 9.  Hard core.  Sat in the car in a space right in front of the entrance.  Fed the kids some breakfast.  Let them crawl around the front seat.  The Pumpkin Man took the car for a quick joy ride.  Everything is going smoothly.  Guy pulls up in front of us.  Things are still cool.

The rain starts coming down hard.  A woman with 2 kids a few years older than mine walks up and positions herself in front of the entrance.  So now I'm 2nd.  That's alright.  Close enough.  I drag the kids and the stroller out of the car and line up behind her.

We stand there for about 20 minutes.  The adults trading uncomfortable smiles in between my attempts to engage her kids.  "What's your name?  You're a big boy.  Your sister is very tall."  And other inane adult-to-child small talk cliches.  That's going to be the title of my next book.   My first one was called, "Yep, they sure don't make'em like that anymore."  And Other Things Old People Like to Hear."

Speaking of old people . . . . . .

So we're standing in line when a woman comes to open the door, which leads first to an eye doctor's office.  "Are you all waiting for eye appointments?"  She asks hopefully.  Because the mad early morning eye doctor rush totally happens all the time.  More trampling deaths there than at rock concerts or on Black Friday.  No one can see each other.

We tell her no, we're here for shots.  She tells us, "oh, you need to go up and around to the back.  That's where they're lining up."


We get back there, and it could be worse.  Ahead of us there is a healthcare worker, a woman with one child, and in front a few old people.   We commence to waiting.  As the line fills up in back of us, a couple more old people slither through the throng and plant themselves in front.  At some point. one of them produces a small blond girl.  Then three more old people appear and join the group(old people are NOT on the priority list for vaccinations, by the way).   So now you've got 7 old people with one confused looking "granddaughter" between them.  Really?  3 and 1/2 sets of grandparent?  I'm pretty sure she was stolen.   Old people are devious.

They come to open the door for us.  They ask, "Is everyone here for appointments . . . ?"

We get inside and do some more waiting.  The Pumpkin Man falls asleep and doesn't wake up until there is a needle plunging into his leg.  Sorry buddy.

In the end, it really wasn't too bad.  There was a little jostling behind us in line and The Pumpkin man melted down on the way home from exhaustion.  But overall, I am feeling very grateful to my kids for being so well behaved today.  The Peanut even got an extra Max and Ruby.  It was the one where Ruby sells all of Max's shit so she can buy more crack .  Really cute.

Vaccinations are good.

Homemaker Man


  1. Sounds like fun. Well, not really.

  2. Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up because a NEEDLE is jabbing into you?!

    I'd cry all the way home too.


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