First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It won't work (with apologies)

Big day today.  The Peanut used her Potty.  It was a battle.

 I took her diaper off at 9 am and told her if she needed to go, she could go on the potty.  She tried once around 9:15.  She told me she was going poop, sat down for a bit, and then informed me that, "It won't work."  I don't know if it was her colon or her sphincter that was on the fritz.  Regardless, we came up empty.

From then on, every time she felt the urge, she would ask for a diaper.  If you can ask for a diaper when you need to take a crap, then you can probably use the potty, was how I felt.  I mean in most cases, obviously.

I told her to try and use the potty, she would get upset, I would coax her with toys and M&M's.  Like some weird, low-budget E.T. remake. We did this 5 times in an hour and forty-five minutes.

I even demonstrated for her.  Twice.  There is nothing that says dignity like sitting on the john with your daughter facing you while you demonstrate the sights and sounds of taking a crap.  "uhhnnn, pooping" I grunted majestically, with a slight shimmy for dramatic effect.  "It won't work," she replied pessimistically.

When it finally did work, she had asked for a diaper again, I said try the potty, she got really mad so I left her alone about it.  4 seconds later she came bustling by like she was on her way to a stockholder's meeting, murmuring "gotta go poopoo and peepee, poopoo, and peepee."

She sat down and went 5 seconds later.  Just needed to unclench and let gravity step in.

When it was over, I scooped he up and congratulated her soundly.  She gasped, " I did it," like she had just performed 8 hours of surgery or disposed of a dead body.  I gave her many rewards.

Of course, she pissed on the floor twice after that but hell, so did I.

I asked her about it as I was putting her to bed tonight.  Just so I could reiterate how great it was.  I said, "What'd you do today?  You go poopoo?"  She said, "I go poopoo in the potty."  I said, "Yes you did, sweetie!."

Then, softly, she said, "Daddy?"  I said, "What, honey?"  She said, "uhhnnn, poopin'!"  Then she did a little shimmy and laughed right in my face.

Apologetically yours for writing about potty time,

Homemaker Man


  1. There needs to be some kind of boarding school for potty training. Ya know a , "send junior to Golden Brook, not only will you and your spouse have a week to reconnect, but, junior will come home to you in big boy underwear! For roughly the same cost as college funds for your first three children, we will take the mystery out of potty training for you."

  2. Give the peanut a big hug for me; this post made my day.


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