First there was a Man. Then a Woman. Then in quick succession, two cats, a confused dog beast, and two kids. I stay at home with them. I'm the Man

Monday, November 2, 2009

Halloween: Cute kids, bad kids, candy, and Haiku

How was my halloween?

We waaay overbought on candy. So now, even though I am beat tonight, I am able to post due to sucking down a half pound of chocolate based leftover treats. You know, for a snack. Only ten pounds to go . . .

My 2 1/2 year old girl was very excited this year. She totally understood the importance of getting candy and embraced he ritualistic incantation necessary to accomplish her candy goals. She went as a (Fierce) lion. She looked like this:

Many times that night the trusting, unsuspecting suckers who expected cute were left petrified from a mighty "Trick-or-treat . . . RAWR! (Then softly) Thank you."

It was pretty sparse in our neighborhood this year, both for kids and houses giving candy. I don't know if it was anti-trick-or-treat paranoia, the economy, or a Saturday night Halloween allowing for more parties. I'd like to think it was probably the widespread reports of a vicious, candy-addicted lion on the loose.

We had our share of kids who were too old for trick-or-treating, but the only one that really bothered me was a teenage girl. could've been 15, could've been 19. No costume, walked up to our door while on her cellphone, and the hand she was holding her candy bag in was also clutching an open pack of Newports.
I've gotten some interesting things while trick-or-treating, but never a pack of smokes.

I briefly considered not giving her anything. but it was Halloween and really, what's the difference? So I dropped a handful of nicotine patches into her bag and sent her on her way.

Which reminds me, my daughter got a bag of rice cake type things. For Halloween. I'd rather eat the smokes. We got that house good though. Napalm.

My ten month old went as Dumbo. He was very cute, except that he can't fly, can't talk, has never been to the circus, never seen Dumbo, and the ears were huge and kept flapping over and slapping him in and then hiding his face.

My ten month old went as a schmuck in an elephant costume.

Oh, and pumpkin carving is great for the toddler vocabulary. After squishing, slapping, squeezing, gushing, and squooshing the pumpkin guts all over the dining room table for forty-five minutes, my little girl had an excellent understanding if the word "D'sgusting!"


Worked at the rink the next day and some of the windows had been egged and shaving creamed. I was unfortunately inspired:

Halloween Artist
Foam and air, gossamer strands
sculpt shaving cream dick

Shaving cream penis
adorns the plate glass window
Lookout. Runny Balls.

a bag of rice cakes
given out on halloween.
I'll tp your soul.


  1. Pictures please!

    We aren't all serial killers ;)

  2. My children received empty Easter Egg wrappers from one house for trick-or-treat. I keep consoling myself that they were sans eggs at least.

    Your daughter's, "trick-or-treat...Rawr," would surely have done me in. I would have dumped the whole bowl of candy in her bag, which wouldn't have been much of a treat though. I bought lollipops, no sexual innuendo here, just a fervent desire not to have too many snacks like yours, and lollipops are my last resort. Proof of that would be the bag of allergen free chocolate chips that I'm working my way through right now instead!

    *yes, it is 6 o'clock in the morning here, don't judge, I'll bet you have a few candy breakfasts before the leftovers are gone too*

  3. I've been living solely on candy and toddler leftovers since sunday.

  4. Candace-I am thinking about it. And not all, most.

  5. I thought you were being sarcastic when you said "ambulance" ....then I looked it up..... yeah... LOL!!!!!!


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